Unfortunately, these days it's not unusual to get that call or text in the middle of the night announcing the passing of a friend. Usually it's due to some sort of crime, occasionally it's due to illness. This morning it was the latter.
My friend Dwayne passed away. I've known him for over 20 years. His sister was also my schoolmate but we were not really friends. Dwayne was my friend. He came to my house. I went to his. We went for Sunday drives on many a Sunday. I lost touch with Dwayne, but thanks to Facebook we got back in touch. I picked up a conversation with him and it was as though we had just talked the day before. He was one of the kindest, most gentle souls that you would ever come across. He was huge in stature and his heart was twice as big. I don't know if anyone would ever have anything bad to say about him. He was my voice of reason for a rather tumultuous time in my life as well, and I can never thank him enough for his kind words.
There has been a tremendous outpouring of sympathy on his Facebook page and it just reiterates what a great person and friend he was to many. One of my last conversations with Dwayne was about a friend of ours... she had passed away and I was in shock. He had dated her back in the day and even though they broke up and she had gone on to marry someone else and have children, I still saw her as Dwayne's girl. My consolation is that he is now with his girl.
Walk good Friend! Until we meet again.
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Motherhood..
is something that scares the shit out of me. I know that everyone is not cut out to be a good mother. Being a good mother is a relative term, I know that. There is no manual on how to parent. Even though I swear that there should be one. Everyone should have to take a parenting class and get a certificate to see if they are fit to be parents. I am 150% positive that everyone that have children would not have passed. However, as I said, being a good parent is relative. One may think that they have a good parent because they get every material thing that they have asked for, but that is definitely not true. What about those parents who could not even afford to meet most of their child's most basic needs? Are they bad parents because they are poor? Of course not!
One of the problems with parenting and the measure of a good parent is that you will not know immediately if you have actually done a good job for quite some time in many cases. Some adults develop problems later on in life that many shrinks now link to deficiencies in their childhood. Parenting is not an exact science. This scares me. I don't think I'm fully equipped to maintain full responsibility for another human being. If I fuck up my life, that's one thing, but to do that to someone else who has no actual choice in the matter is cruelty at the highest level. The solution is Do. Not. Fuck. Up!
I see instances constantly in socializing with my friends where I see that they do make mistakes and do defend their choices in parenting fiercely. Some think that their child is well adjusted and also well mannered. It's easier to point fingers at other parents and point out their flaws but do you even register these flaws for yourself? How do you tell a parent whose main responsibility is to love and care for a child that their child is spoiled rotten and has no frigging behavior! It's easier to see the wrong in other people's children, but your own child? Not so easy. To be a good parent, I think that you would need to remove the blinders and see your child for who they are and try to guide them correctly. But what if you don't even know what this means.
Then also, where does this maternal instinct come from? How is it that some women just know that they want to be a parent? That mothering someone is so important to them? Why is this so important? What if this dream doesn't come true? Does this mean that your life serves no purpose because you are not a biological mother to someone?
I think motherhood comes in many different forms. Some people are not able to physically carry a child from egg to fully formed human, but they can be a mother to a child who has no mother. That is equally important I think. Even more importantly, there are steps that one will have to go through that makes sure (for the most part) that your are fully equipped and ready to parent a child. A step that is missing in the whole biological process.
One of the problems with parenting and the measure of a good parent is that you will not know immediately if you have actually done a good job for quite some time in many cases. Some adults develop problems later on in life that many shrinks now link to deficiencies in their childhood. Parenting is not an exact science. This scares me. I don't think I'm fully equipped to maintain full responsibility for another human being. If I fuck up my life, that's one thing, but to do that to someone else who has no actual choice in the matter is cruelty at the highest level. The solution is Do. Not. Fuck. Up!
I see instances constantly in socializing with my friends where I see that they do make mistakes and do defend their choices in parenting fiercely. Some think that their child is well adjusted and also well mannered. It's easier to point fingers at other parents and point out their flaws but do you even register these flaws for yourself? How do you tell a parent whose main responsibility is to love and care for a child that their child is spoiled rotten and has no frigging behavior! It's easier to see the wrong in other people's children, but your own child? Not so easy. To be a good parent, I think that you would need to remove the blinders and see your child for who they are and try to guide them correctly. But what if you don't even know what this means.
Then also, where does this maternal instinct come from? How is it that some women just know that they want to be a parent? That mothering someone is so important to them? Why is this so important? What if this dream doesn't come true? Does this mean that your life serves no purpose because you are not a biological mother to someone?
I think motherhood comes in many different forms. Some people are not able to physically carry a child from egg to fully formed human, but they can be a mother to a child who has no mother. That is equally important I think. Even more importantly, there are steps that one will have to go through that makes sure (for the most part) that your are fully equipped and ready to parent a child. A step that is missing in the whole biological process.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Me, the retired fashion designer!
I love watching Project Runway. Always have. Every time I watch it I wish I could sew. My grandmother could sew. She sewed so well. Me? I sucked at it. I did so poorly at it in high school that throughout the enter term (not "semesters" in Jamaica, "terms") doing Needlework I barely had any work to present to get graded. My grandmother would feel sorry for me and whip up something for me to present to the teacher at the last minute. They saw right through it though. No passing grade for me. The thing is my grandmother had a fabric store in our small town of Montego Bay for over 40 years. This is where my shame of not being able to sew comes from. But, I had imagination.
Despite my father being a graphic artist prior to the technology age, so he really could draw, I did not inherit this trait either. I remember staying in my grandmother's store and looking through the new stock of fabric and trimmings and making some crude drawing of what I wanted the tailor to make for me. I used to go to a dressmaker but later on I realized I preferred clothes from an actual tailor. I would then take the fabric and the sketchy sketch to one of the tailors that frequented my grandmother's store and have them make something for me. My grandmother believed in always having something in progress at a tailor (or in her case dressmaker). After she died quite a few dressmakers brought their completed dresses to my mother. It is just now, just today after watching yet another episode of Project Runway that I am realizing what a privilege it is to have clothes being custom made specifically for you. Things we take for granted living in a third world country.
During this time, the more sought after thing was buying clothes off the rack at some store in America. But now I am realizing that many people living in America will never have the experience of choosing fabric and going to someone, somewhere and seeing your idea (good or bad) coming to life and being made specifically to fit your body. It is indeed a privilege.
Despite my father being a graphic artist prior to the technology age, so he really could draw, I did not inherit this trait either. I remember staying in my grandmother's store and looking through the new stock of fabric and trimmings and making some crude drawing of what I wanted the tailor to make for me. I used to go to a dressmaker but later on I realized I preferred clothes from an actual tailor. I would then take the fabric and the sketchy sketch to one of the tailors that frequented my grandmother's store and have them make something for me. My grandmother believed in always having something in progress at a tailor (or in her case dressmaker). After she died quite a few dressmakers brought their completed dresses to my mother. It is just now, just today after watching yet another episode of Project Runway that I am realizing what a privilege it is to have clothes being custom made specifically for you. Things we take for granted living in a third world country.
During this time, the more sought after thing was buying clothes off the rack at some store in America. But now I am realizing that many people living in America will never have the experience of choosing fabric and going to someone, somewhere and seeing your idea (good or bad) coming to life and being made specifically to fit your body. It is indeed a privilege.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Society norms.
Things that are seen as normal in society is now not so relevant to our modern day culture. Yet we allow or expect to carry out the "old" normal and expect a seamless show.
Case in point, homosexuality. It's been around for the longest time, but not seen as something socially acceptable. Governed by the laws of nature we always expect to see a male and female figure during open courtship. However, what happens when nature turns on us and we are now out of the closet as the new out and proud. Are we still expected to carry on the outward appearance of being heterosexual?
I recently went to a concert and a few members of the headliner act are very openly gay, well if they aren't openly gay then they need to be... cause no closet is big enough to hide alla that in. Anyhow, during the token serenade segment of every concert... the 4 guy, 1 girl group called a girl on stage from the audience. This is the part where they are supposed to go really close to the chosen fan and sing to her and pretend to woo her and she would under normal circumstances just melt into the stage and vow not to wash the part of her body where the entertainer touched (Like you never did that ever!). Imagine how awkward it was to watch this gay man call up this girl and pretend to be even remotely interested in her. He tried his best to play it off, but it was a little uncomfortable to watch.
So now, would it have been a better idea to bring a guy on stage? I'm not sure. I'm sure it would be more believable but perhaps we're not there mentally as yet to see this as our new normal. So despite the fact of being "out" we are still somehow expected to bend in other areas to carry out acts to make the society as a whole more comfortable with our sexuality.
Case in point, homosexuality. It's been around for the longest time, but not seen as something socially acceptable. Governed by the laws of nature we always expect to see a male and female figure during open courtship. However, what happens when nature turns on us and we are now out of the closet as the new out and proud. Are we still expected to carry on the outward appearance of being heterosexual?
So now, would it have been a better idea to bring a guy on stage? I'm not sure. I'm sure it would be more believable but perhaps we're not there mentally as yet to see this as our new normal. So despite the fact of being "out" we are still somehow expected to bend in other areas to carry out acts to make the society as a whole more comfortable with our sexuality.
Monday, December 24, 2012
What do you mean it's Christmas already??
Can you believe it's actually Christmas already? Where did this year go? Like seriously. There have been highs and lows as with everything. But mostly highs for me. I managed to stay mostly positive and not sweat the small stuff and it has helped tremendously.
Today I made a huge leap in letting go. I packed up all, okay... most of my magazines and let them go. They have been piling up for the past 4 or so years. Waiting on the perfect time to finish that article or to work on that crafting project I had in mind. I figure I'd let go of what was weighing me down and hopefully it will translate in other areas of my life. The down side of the situation if there is one... is that after I got rid of over one hundred magazines, when I went back inside I didn't see the difference. I had them so tucked in to the crevices and corners that now that they are out... no difference. Thought it would feel lighter in here. Not so much.
I went to CT to be with my family last year and this year is very different. I made no plans on what to do this year, so just today I decided to spend Christmas with some friends. Committed to making good memories this week.
But even better, on Wednesday Bath and Body Works Semi-annual sale starts... I am excited!
Today I made a huge leap in letting go. I packed up all, okay... most of my magazines and let them go. They have been piling up for the past 4 or so years. Waiting on the perfect time to finish that article or to work on that crafting project I had in mind. I figure I'd let go of what was weighing me down and hopefully it will translate in other areas of my life. The down side of the situation if there is one... is that after I got rid of over one hundred magazines, when I went back inside I didn't see the difference. I had them so tucked in to the crevices and corners that now that they are out... no difference. Thought it would feel lighter in here. Not so much.
I went to CT to be with my family last year and this year is very different. I made no plans on what to do this year, so just today I decided to spend Christmas with some friends. Committed to making good memories this week.
But even better, on Wednesday Bath and Body Works Semi-annual sale starts... I am excited!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Cycles of Silence et al
I realize that I have my periods of silence, where I stay away from blogging. It's not that I have nothing to report. Stuff is always happening. I just have to sit down and be still so I can express my thoughts. Sometimes just the thought of doing that is daunting. Especially with all the available new social media that you can relay your thoughts in 140 characters or less.
Speaking of Twitter ... Shonda Rhimes has me hooked on Scandal! Have you been watching??
It's really that good. I have always liked Kerry Washington in her previous films, but she shines as Olivia Pope in Scandal and the writing is just brilliant. When you least expect something it happens... just like that! Shonda Rhimes is also the writer behind Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. I was an avid fan of both of those series, but I stopped watching after a few years... now Shonda has me by the balls (if I had a pair) again!
Also, I reluctantly traded in my trusty Blackberry for a new shiny Android phone. I love the new phone and all the features, especially since my Blackberry froze more than worked in the last weeks... but I miss BBM and the ease of texting on the familiar keyboard. I've been making some silly mistakes thanks to predictive texting. But it's nice to be on point with technology... even if it will only last for a little while. We all know how fast technology progresses around these parts.
No concrete plans just yet for the holidays, but I'll be blogging... that's for sure. :) I miss it.
Speaking of Twitter ... Shonda Rhimes has me hooked on Scandal! Have you been watching??
Also, I reluctantly traded in my trusty Blackberry for a new shiny Android phone. I love the new phone and all the features, especially since my Blackberry froze more than worked in the last weeks... but I miss BBM and the ease of texting on the familiar keyboard. I've been making some silly mistakes thanks to predictive texting. But it's nice to be on point with technology... even if it will only last for a little while. We all know how fast technology progresses around these parts.
No concrete plans just yet for the holidays, but I'll be blogging... that's for sure. :) I miss it.
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