Undecided

When I was in college, I hated when people had their major listed as undecided.

I mean, how could you not know what you wanted to be when you grow up? Didn't you think about it all through high school. Didn't something draw you to it? I mean how could you be undecided? How do you even finish college with an "undecided" major. Do you get a BU at the end of your college life? I just didn't get it. How do you study for the undecided?

Then as it so happens... I've long left college and now I'm undecided about what I want to be when I grow up.

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Change

Change can be so difficult sometimes. Especially when in involves a failed relationship. I just watched a tv show "How do I look?" I haven't watched it in a while but it happened to be on while I was channel surfing.

I was struck by this lady undergoing a makeover. She had somewhat "absentmindedly" lost over 130 pounds and was not dressing her age, nor her new size. She has three children and they all have special needs. She and her husband had been arguing, but she thought it was regular arguments... until one day in the middle of the night, he told her that he was in love with someone else and that he was leaving. They've since been divorced, but she held on to their wedding ring. Would not remove it, saying that she was still honoring what she believed in when she vowed her love to him. I sooo did not understand that. As far as I understand... when someone walks away from a marriage, divorces you to move on to someone else, how can you still think that you need to uphold your marriage vows?

I hope after going home and seeing the show for herself, she will realize that she might need some professional therapy to deal with the death of her marriage. Basically that's what it is... a death in the family... without someone really dying, which can be much harder than if the person actually died. Apparently.

She thought with disgust that when they prodded her to move on with her life that they were suggesting that she start dating and go on to remarry. Perish the thought! It was also fascinating to see how her mind worked... that dating will automatically and sooner rather than later lead to her remarrying. Maybe some of my friends could do with meeting some of the guys she knows because some of my friends have been dating for years and no marriage yet. But hey, it works for them.

Anyhow, few things are worse than holding on to a dead relationship. Sometimes change is hard, but a better and necessary alternative.

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Blog ideas

Yesterday, I was in a blogging mood. But had no idea what to write about. So instead I picked up my pen and paper and brainstormed ideas. I really do enjoy blogging, but sometimes I sit in front of the computer and suffer from writer's block... or in this case blogger's block.

Amazingly, I came up with quite a few ideas... and not so far-fetched either... because when you thinking about it.. blogging is, or should I say... for ME it is, writing about my experiences, thoughts and ideas. My reader is currently exploding with Foodie blogs. I love reading about food. New ideas or creations... or like over at Paupered Chef their experiments with food.

I thought that I experiment all the time. Hey, anytime I cook is an experiment in itself. Not that I can't cook, but I tend to stray just a little from the intended recipe usually. Just don't you dare experiment with my food favorites. For instance, I like macaroni and cheese just as much as the next person. But when my friend Sue makes it, it goes beyond me just liking it. Just don't tamper with the recipe! Although I'm guessing that since her recent gastric bypass surgery macaroni and cheese will be a thing of the past. Anyhow, I'm babbling.

My idea is to write more about what I'm cooking, or trying to make in the kitchen. Although today, I took the easy way out and ordered pizza because the husband had his usual "vegetarian" friends over and so that tossed my jerk chicken fried rice idea out the window. Cheese pizza it was for them... although I had to have my stuffed crust Hawaiian pizza... since we were already falling off the wagon and eating pizza.

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Ideas..

If I could get rich off my ideas alone, already I'd be a millionaire. Billionaire maybe.

I have ideas all the time, but no idea how to develop them from idea to actuality.

I'm inspired by creative people. People who are able to make a living off their ideas. I love being in their company. I feel very open and like I'm around people who understand me, or would understand me if I spoke to them.

Creativity can take so many forms. From what to cook for dinner everyday (my cousin inspires me with her dinner ideas) or how to build a whole advertising campaign. However, I'm not artistically inclined and I could kick myself everyday for it. My father was artistically inclined. He was a graphic artist, long before the days of Photoshop or Illustrator.

I still don't get poetry. So that's not the creativity that I'm drawn to, but I wouldn't mind being around poets.

I don't think I've found my calling yet... but I'm still struggling to figure it out. Heck, aren't we all?

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Singular Lifestyle

For someone who sees as many people as I do on a weekly basis...
For someone who has over 500 friends(who I actually know) on facebook...
For someone who has an average of 50 friends online at any given moment out of hundreds offline...

I live a pretty lonely life.

Recently, I've been trying to connect more with the outside world.

I talk to mother usually about 3 or more times a day. Regardless of the fact that she lives in another country. She's pretty much the only person I talk to everyday, aside from my husband. I've been trying to reach out more, but maybe I'm more introverted than I'd like to believe.

My cousin moved closer to me, not to be closer to me, but regardless she's close by. We used to be really close as teenagers... even in the early college days. Then not. So I've been reaching out to her recently. I even gave her a key to my apartment. Just in case something happens to me. The neighbors would smell me before anyone came by and noticed they hadn't seen me. Or my dog might alert someone by his incessant barking.

Don't get me wrong. I have friends that I see and talk to regularly... although many of them are only online connections. They're people I know... but not ones I see often anymore. It's my lifestyle. I like to read. Reading is a solitary pleasure. I like going to the movies, but prefer to go alone. I like going to the beach, but maybe due to self esteem issues... I don't like going with tons of people. I spend a lot of time reading and researching things alone. My husband, when he's home, he likes to do things alone too. Or things that I have no interest in...Gran Tourismo is not on my top list of things to do.

Recently, I've taken up kalooki again. It's a card game. You know how people have their bridge groups that they play with each week, or poker. I'm back into playing kalooki again. Partly for the conversations that go along with the game. It's interesting. People are interesting!

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How bad is it exactly?

Really bad.
As if to further prove how bad the American economy has gotten, there is a long line at the Mexican embassy... no, no.. not for Mexicans wanting to come to America, but rather for them wanting to return to Mexico. They've always stereotyped that Mexicans are among the hardest working people in the US and willing to take jobs that even Americans won't do. But what about when those jobs can't even support them much less send home money to their families left behind. With gas at over $4 for a gallon it's ridiculous. In just 7 years gas has increased over 400% while wages have remained the same or even worse in some instances where people have been laid off from work. How are people meant to survive?

Not surprising that gas station robberies have been on the rise. Almost everyday you hear about people robbing the cashiers at gun point. People are desperate. When gas increases, so does everything else. Energy costs, delivery charges and so it affects food costs, postage costs, clothing, just about everything you can think of... not to even mention air travel. To offset some of the air fare costs, airlines have adopted new charges. You now have to pay separately for your luggage to board each flight, as well as for your meals. No more free peanuts!

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"Reality"

No surprise is it, I've been watching reality tv.
This time I think I stooped to an all time low.
Yep, I admit... I watched the Bachelorette.... and even worse A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila (who the hell is she anyways?).

Even worse than admitting to watching them is that I was upset at who "won" these shows. I couldn't believe that DeAnna didn't choose Jason, or that Tila chose whatshername. I guess even worse is the whole premise of 30 people vying for a chance at love with you in just as many days. Oh and lets not forget the camera crew that's there the whole time. In the end I can respect whats her name's decision to turn down her shot at love with Tila Tequila. I didn't get it at the end of the actual show, but when she got a chance to explain herself. I totally got it, and even better... I agreed with her. I was happy that she didn't sell out, or buy into the whole I'm in love deal, only for there to be an announcement later on that it didn't work out but stay tuned for season 3.

Generally, I'm not a fan of those reality shows aimed at finding love within certain time limits. It's way too rushed if you ask me.

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4th of July weekend

I had a very hectic weekend, but fun...

I went to the Williams' residence for a barbecue. They're famous for saying "We're going to light up the grill!" and magically out of thin air.. 40 people show up, just like that! Happily this time... 40 people didn't show up, close to 40.. but not quite there. I'm pretty much familiar with everyone there so I feel very comfortable there... so comfortable that after I ate and had a few drinks I made my way to the guest room and took an hour nap.

When I woke up, I was revived and ready for the night work.
However, it seems because there was such bad weather during the day, and perhaps people were pooped from all that barbecue food, it was not as packed as we all had anticipated. Then my sidekicks have long since abandoned me, so it's not FUN for me to be there anymore. Now it's just work.

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