Getting in gear!

Have you ever been in a situation where finally something clicks? Whether it is to find that final piece on a jigsaw puzzle. An earring you had been looking for. The dvd player to finally work. You know that feeling you get. The exhilaration. The triumph.

Mine clicked at 4:30a one morning this week.

I have been involved with one of the leading in-home party businesses that sells sensual aids to adults. In short, yes I sell vibrators, dildos among other things. I had been dabbling in the business waiting for manna to fall from the sky. Yes I knew logically what happens and whats supposed to happen... but it didn't click. I started off gassed up and ready to go... but I didn't fully understand the business, or what I could and should be doing to promote my business. Don't get me wrong. I did well in the beginning. Then I had a disappointing streak and so I fell off my game. I think I was also looking to others for motivation. Anyhow the long and short of it is that it had to click with me first and it did.

I started off by joining all the groups I could find to get more info. Sifted through what seemed like tons of info and then I found one that made everything seem so simple and purposeful. So I'm on my way to start growing and ENJOYING my business.

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Commenter or Reader?

Do you read blogs and comment? or are you more like me? I read and remain silent.

Sure I have my opinions. Yes, I'm cheering you on or stomping my foot in objection. But I'm very quiet about it all. Yet, in some strange way it doesn't make sense. Putting it all out there is inviting people in. To comment. To agree. To disagree. To laugh. To cry. To nod. And the less favorable option of thinking that you are a total moron.

Logically I know this. However, I can't help but feel that I'm somewhat of a Peeping Tom .. err... Nix, to just read and go away. On the other hand I always look at it like there's a clique of people that meet up and do things IRL. I'm not a part of any such clique and so I'm the outsider, how dare I say anything? But you've put it out there. I have put it out there. Into the world of the unknown. Unknown world where people have opinions on things, or not.

I actually appreciate when people stop by and comment (hint-hint). I wonder why I feel like other bloggers would feel any different. I'm going to haul on my big girl drawers and go out there and participate dammit! Look out bloggers!

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Cheating.

No, not the type that you're thinking about. I've been cheating myself.

Let me bring you up to speed on my thought process.

In January or February I went to Costco with my mom and they had digital scales on sale. I bought one. I had been sitting in the box since then. Last night I was sitting thinking about what to eat for dinner and I thought, "This is ridiculous, you don't even know how much you weigh." Sooo I opened the box. Lets just say I just left the gym.

Anyhow, while I was at the gym I decided to listen to an audiobook I have. It's easy to listen to music in the house because you don't have to pay that much attention... in the gym or in the car... audiobook time. So anyway, they were talking about rich people stressing about their second home. Then it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve never dreamt of having a second home. Hell, I barely even dare to dream of a first home much less a second.

Then my realization spiraled. I thought that I had a hard time with goal setting exercises, because I stopped dreaming. I stopped thinking that I could achieve something beyond a certain capacity. I started living my life in reaction mode. When did this happen? Who am I?

The person I was was someone who had high hopes and dreams. Now literally I am confined to thinking one week at a time. If I can make it to the end of this week I’ll be okay. Then what happens next week? Something will work out. Then Sunday comes and it’s me again worrying about making it through to the end of the week. Before you know it the time passes and all that stuff that you’ve been worrying about, haven’t come through but since you’ve been so wrapped up in worrying you forgot all about living. Appreciating the here and now. Yet hoping and planning for bigger and better in the future.

In one way it sucks because I’m a very practical person. When I see luxury car… instead of performance and comfort I see unnecessary expense. So in that sense my goal might be different from someone else’s goal.

As it so happens I’m going to an event tomorrow evening where I’m suppose to dress as I see myself in 5 years. So I’ve had to put some thought into it. The first thing I plan to start doing is dreaming more, just as I did when I was a little girl and stop cheating myself out of wishing better for myself.

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Being a Celebrity...

... must be very difficult.

I was thinking about it seriously the other day. I was thinking that it must be nice to shop in Paris and vacation in St. Barts at the drop of a hat. Nice to buy a Miami Beach home while still keeping a Park Avenue penthouse. Convenient to have personal assistants and a personal chef. Designers shipping clothes to you hot off the press and jewelers vying to drip you in diamonds.

That's the good part. That's the part we all think about when we think about being rich and famous. That's the part we fantasize about while getting dressed to go to work. That's the side that you hear Robin Leach narrate.

Then there is the other side.

The real hard work side. The side that celebrities have to sometimes get up at 6 and film all day for months at a time. On the other side of the world. Away from the comforts of home, family and friends. Forget about going to the supermarket to get sugar on your own. There is paparazzi to contend with and then the aftermath if your hair and clothes were not styled just right. OMG! The horror!

We, the everyday people will even go as far as gaining 10 pounds and not even realize. Well I will. The celebrity does not have that luxury. Gain 5 pounds there is talk of a baby bump, lose 5 then there is talk of sickness. Even after childbirth. That's when the countdown is really on. How long before she gets back her pre-baby bod?

Quiet dinner out? What's that? People going through the garbage to see what brand soda I drink? Ludicrous right? Well, not for the celeb. That's just another garbage day.

The betrayal from friends that the average person deals with is magnified in national newspapers and websites. The uncertainty of not knowing who is there for you because of your status or because of you. The insecurity of not knowing whether your craft is going to be accepted well, especially if you've taken a chance outside of the norm. Then how that will play out in future projects.

Sure the glam side is fabulous, but at what price?

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