Days of Our Nix

Gay Marriage

2012-02-10T01:35:00.002-05:00

Via Pinterest

I saw this pic on Pinterest and it nicely summed up my point in a recent discussion with my husband on the topic. Love it! Also, if you happen to be on Pinterest... follow me! I'll falla back! Promise!

New Age Nix for 2012!

2012-02-03T04:31:00.002-05:00

I have so many ideas swirling around in my head, I feel like I need a minute to focus.

I feel a sense of maturity taking over me. I have less tolerance for crap these days. More importantly, I'm not fighting with stress right now. For the past 15 years or so I feel like I've been in a pressure cooker. Just coming out of one stressful situation to heading up into another. I think that the situations may still be there but I'm figuring out that there is only so much that I have any control over and it will work out... either favorably or unfavorably... but things are constantly changing. What I do have control over is my attitude. I can sit and fret and worry, but in the long run it won't help anything, will it?

I've also had a life-changing experience recently and I'm still kind of wrapping my brain around how things all came together. It was as if everything lined up and after years and years of watching talk shows and "Locator" type shows where people look for long-lost people and wondering what if... I did it. I reached out and within a matter of two weeks I found my brother. I still have yet to meet him face to face and we're working slowly on building a relationship. It's quite strange after soo many years of being an only child for someone to call and say "Hey sis!" I mean, when I was in high school I adopted an older brother and to this day we still call each other brother and sister, we've grown apart though and haven't seen each other in years, but I still love him and still am very thankful to have had him there looking out for me while I was growing up. But to have someone I truly just met call me "Sis" and mean it literally is taking some getting used to, but in a good way.

Also, this weekend makes a year that I've been living in this apartment. I moved in on Super Bowl Sunday. Try getting some guy friends to help you move on Super Bowl Sunday, that's like the true test of friendship. LOL. But anyhow, things that were okay for me when I moved in is now getting on my last nerve. The fact that my curtain rod is leaning up against a wall from the floor is unacceptable. It should have been installed and stuff should have been hanging from it a long frigging time ago. The fact that I have yet to buy a proper table to put my tv on is now bothering me. It's on a makeshift table with a table cloth over it. Working on that. Then also, there has been talk of a dining table set that was supposed to come over here from about 10 months ago, we'll see. What I do like about that though is that it's kind of a DIY project. I have to look for fabric to re-cover the chairs and to spray over the metal legs and stuff on the table. I love that kind of thing. So we'll see when it gets here. But I hope to have some curtains hung by this weekend. We'll see. I actually need to go to the Thrift stores soon to work on another DIY project I saw online and felt it had my name all over it, more to come on that one soon.

Anyhow, with all these changes that are taking place... I'm excited, nervous and stepping out on faith.

Holiday Recap!

2012-01-02T17:33:00.001-05:00

OMG!

My holidays turned out to be sooooo much different than I expected. I had a REALLY good time. I ended up going to spend it with my family. I've never been with so many people with my last name during the holidays ever before. Yes I have spent it with family but not usually this side of the family. Which is why it was sooo important for me to go.

My father's sister lives in Connecticut and she invited some of her nieces and nephews to come to family dinner there with her and her husband. We had been trying to go but it didn't seem to be working out. Then at the ninth hour I ended up leaving my hubby and doggie to go up North. Incidentally, it so happened that the very day I flew in to New York was the very same day that my father died in New York many, many years ago. That was a little eerie, but it went okay. In fact some things happened during the visit that was a little eerie.

I got to spend some much needed time with my cousins who I have not seen in years and years. I feel like I reconnected and came back home with fresh eyes. I was home in time to spend New Year's Eve with my husband, my cousin (other side of the family) and some friends.

I'll be sharing more about the trip in upcoming posts, but just had to check in, in case you thought I was stuck at home with hubby eating tuna out of a can. Incidentally, he got to spend Christmas with his parents so he was just fine.

Holidays

2011-12-13T23:27:00.001-05:00

I get so depressed around the holidays.

I used to think that it was because my father died a few days before Christmas. Since then my mother didn't REALLY celebrate Christmas. My grandma always made it Christmassy for me though. We'd put up the tree together. She'd bake goodies and even though we wouldn't host Christmas dinner at our house we'd always be at some other cousin's house for Christmas Day, Boxing Day (The day after Christmas as celebrated in Jamaica and other current and former British colonies.) , and then start out the year on New Years Day... with family again.

My mother worked in the airline industry for many, many years and so of course Christmas was just another day at work for her. When I moved here and realized that not just airline personnel worked during Christmas and that the job I had required me to work then as well, it became less and less holiday like in the family sense.

Later on when I got married I tried to recreate the sense of being together with each other around the holidays. I started decorating the house, making a big to do dinner with all the trimmings even if it was just for us both. It was our Christmas.

Then as the economic state of our affairs started taking a down turn, instead of focusing on our being together and roughing the storm of the year that passed, we started focusing on all our failures throughout the year. All the unfulfilled resolutions, all the plans we made that were not touched at all. Every year we vowed to make the following holiday season a better one, and yet we've been in the same rut. Then this year we made plans. Good plans. Stuck to it throughout the year, then wrench after wrench we're slowly realizing that our holiday plans, yet again, will probably not come to fruition. We still have each other, so it shouldn't be soooo bad, but for once in a long time we were looking forward to it being different. It's the disappointment in that, that kills me. This is why I hate planning, the failure. But I'm gonna put on my big girl panties and pull out the Holiday lights and light the shit out of my apartment. Just as soon as I can pull myself out of bed.

South Florida, a second home.

2011-11-24T03:22:00.001-05:00

I love living in South Florida. I have lived here for many, many years now... and coming from Jamaica... it's as close as you can get to living like you're in Jamaica with it being in America... if you get what I'm saying. Well not really, I imagine Key West would be more island like than South Florida. However, I've never been to Key West. I tried going there many years ago on a fishing trip, but due to impatience on our part we didn't reach. We stopped in Islamorada because the drive was taking too long and we wanted to fish already.

Miami Beach

I get offended when people come here and say that they are bored and that there's nothing to do here. There's soooooooo much to do, but the average person from Jamaica when they come here to visit, they don't do much but go shopping or go partying with those same people that you'd see in Jamaica anyway. There's always something going on at some Performing Arts center. Then there's always a concert. Last week was Kanye and Jay-Z, tonight was Black Eyed Peas.

If you want to spend a day at the Happiest Place on Earth, it's only a hop, skip and a jump on the turnpike.

I like living in a place and knowing that the beach is only 15 minutes away. Whether I go there often or not is another story, but I like knowing that it's there... just in case I need it. Then knowing that it's practically summer 11 months out of the year that opens up the possibility of going fishing, scuba-diving, jet-skiing, sailing or just laying out on the sand whenever. The idea of swimming in a lake just doesn't appeal to me. Perhaps that's also because in South Florida if there is some body of water like that there is a strong chance that there may also be an alligator lurking in there as well.

There is the dreaded hurricane season, but if you have to pick a natural disaster, I pick hurricanes! Earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes etc are all unpredictable. With a hurricane there is a sense of unpredictability BUT you know when there is a possibility of one coming your way. Then you have a choice as to whether you want to stay put and ride it out and prepare as much as you can to do so or not. Earthquake? Not so much.

I like that there are so many other cultures that have thriving communities here. Not just Jamaican and Cuban either. Anything you can think of is basically here as well. Brazillian, Mexican, Vietnamese, Chinese, Colombian... etc, etc. Dining choices are aplenty.

Lychee

In the spring I look forward to strawberry picking and then at the beginning of summer it's time to pick my beloved lychee. You'd think that it's just oranges that run rampant in the area, but truth be told I haven't even had an orange in years. Whether that's good or bad is to be determined. I love fruits though and I happen to know where I can get most of them at their various seasons.

I've thought of living in New York, but I think I prefer the idea of it that the actuality. The shopping is great there, but I think for me to have a greater appreciation of New York I'd have to have moved there straight from home. Also good to note, my father died in a fatal car accident in New York so perhaps my view is tainted.

I've also thought of living somewhere else where I'd experience the true season changes, but I have yet to identify where that would be. This Christmas I'm hoping to have a White Christmas, then maybe afterwards I'll have a better appreciation for winter, or South Florida. For now, it's home, the good, bad and the Florida Dolphins!

My last Crush...

2011-11-18T01:51:00.001-05:00

I haven't had a crush on anyone in a very long time. In high school it would seem that I had a crush on someone new every week and then I grew up and it all changed. I think the last person I had a huge crush on ruined it for me and everyone thereafter. When I say HUGE... I mean HUGE!!!! I thought he was the cutest thing EVER! He had gorgeous eyes and the most wonderful smile. He still does. But he ruined it for me.

In high school we were friends and then later on we became good friends. When I moved away from home for university I would see him when I went home to visit or we'd be in touch by way of mutual friends. I just thought he was so cute, but I would never dare dream of having a relationship with him. It's like to me he was unattainable. Truth be told he didn't fit in the norm of what would be considered my type. He wasn't dark, tall nor bald. In fact he was the complete opposite, but there was just something about him that I admired a great deal.

Then it happened!!

He called me one day to say that he was in town and would be here for a while. I hadn't seen him in a while and thought that it would be good for us to catch up. It was summer and things were very laid back in the dorms where I lived. We had a strong social group and we constantly did things together. We went clubbing a lot, we cooked together, hung out until all hours but still managed to do our school work and hold down our various on campus jobs. I thought it would be a good idea for him to come over to the dorms and hang out with us all as we were all having so much fun. I invited him over for dinner.

I remember going across the hall to my friend and telling her how cute he was and that I had a huge crush on him and how nice he was and how much I was looking forward to seeing him that night. I had never been in any type of romantic situation with him and so I doubt that he even knew how I felt at the time. (Thank God!!) The evening came and I don't remember if we went to pick him up or what but there he was, I introduced him to the group and we all had dinner together. Afterwards it was bit late and he wasn't staying that close by and the friend he was staying with didn't live in a particularly good neighborhood so we decided that he should spend the night and head home the following day.

The beds in the dorms were single beds but you could easily stack them to make bunk beds to take up less space in the tiny bedroom area. We moved them around quite a bit, this time they were stacked in bunk beds and my roommate preferred to sleep on the couch in the living room. That arrangement suited us both fine as we could watch whatever we wanted to on our own tv and we could have people over and it not interfere with the other person. So basically we had a spare bed in my room. So he slept there. I'm sure I was in a state of disbelief that we were actually both sleeping in the same room, but nothing happened. The next day he was to go home but instead I think he ended up going to Target to buy underwear so he could hang out with us all for a few more days.

Three weeks later he was still there, but by then my crush had LONNNNGGGG faded. The sight of him 24/7 just about did me in. Then after spending so much time with him I realized that some of the choices he made were not always the wisest ones. Then whenever we would go anywhere the time he spent in the bathroom getting ready just about drove me crazy. He had to shave his underarms, his chest and where ever else everyday!! That was just too much information for me. When you see a clean shaven body, you just don't tend to think about all the upkeep that's necessary to maintain all of that smoothness. When you have 3 girls sharing one bathroom with him in it doing all that man-scaping and seeing his short and curlies hanging on to the soap... just trust me... it wasn't the same.

We're friends still but I hardly ever see him now. I know he's married and I hope he's happy. Whenever we see each other we joke about the time when I invited him over to dinner and he stayed a month. Since then crush-ing just hasn't been the same. Yes I'll see someone and give a double take, but it's always in the back of my head that he must be driving some poor woman crazy with all that bathroom time it takes to maintain all that goodness.

Trust in a friendship and the story about the Anal numbing gel.

2011-11-14T03:44:00.001-05:00

Many times we talk about friendship and trust. It is only recently that I am beginning to truly get a grasp on what trust means in a friendship. I was misled to believe that "trust" simple meant that you could tell a secret to a friend and expect them not share it. That was the extent of "trust" where friendship is concerned, or so I thought. I was sadly mistaken. That is just the beginning.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and I realized that while I knew the full story on a situation that she was involved in, while she talked about it in public and had big conversations about it, only a few were privy to the extent of the situation. I fully understand why she decided not to divulge the whole story. But stemming from this discussion it came to mind about how much people we talk to (even very often) truly know about us.

We present an image of our best self to people. An image of who we would like people to think we are... a neater, richer, thinner, more educated self. Have you ever stopped to think how many people know the true you? I am in the process of defining what kind of friend i want to be and what kind of friends I want to have around me. This is kind of a big deal for me.

There is a 'joke' about everyone having a friend that knows should anything happen to you, they need to rush over to the house to hide all the porn before the family gets there. Trust is then explored here again. You are trusting a friend to hide the evidence for you. In my case though it may be asking way too much to ask someone to hide everything. I realize that people see me and talk to me and would never know, I will preface this by saying that I'm truly not perverted but I have an extensive adult toy collection. Though many not for personal use, it's a side business. Well, unless you count the anal numbing gel. I use that. LOL! Caught you! I know you thought it... "Ohhh! That's how she rolls!"

True story: I wanted to go to get my eyebrows threaded this weekend, but I didn't have a ride. I could have probably tried to get them waxed at a salon close by my house. I had a bad experience with waxing, or rather this lady that used to wax my brows. Lets just say we had a difference of opinion and since then I've been threading. Anyhow, I digress. So my friend calls to find out if I still wanted to go and without missing a beat I blurted out, "No, it's fine... I used the anal numbing gel and tweezed them myself." Silence.

Active...

2011-11-12T04:01:00.001-05:00

I vaguely remember a few years back when I thought to myself that I needed to get a hobby. Now I have so many. I knit, I crochet, I read, I do art pieces, make jewelry, craft... etc etc. The problem with my hobbies is that they are all part of a sedentary lifestyle and so here I am, yet again in search for a hobby. This time I'm seeking an active hobby.

I used to walk a whole lot as a teenager, but that was more out of necessity that hobby. How else would I get to the beach on a Saturday afternoon? That's where I met up with all my friends and we would spend the afternoon either playing backgammon, swimming or just hanging out and talking. Then we'd all walk back into town and either go to the movies or go home to get ready to go to some gathering or another. I was tanned, I was toned and soooo much more fit than I am now. But of course I just didn't realize it at the time. If I knew then what I know now. In my late teens I'd spend every weekend at the pool, by this time I had moved away from my small beach town. When I would make it back home I would be at the beach again, swimming.

I also enjoyed playing badminton. I would play any chance I would get in high school, but I didn't develop my love of the sport into anything further than a few matches on the court after school.

I spent a year living with my god-mother, who was a certified gym-rat. She went twice a day, every day. Part of the terms of conditions for me to live with her meant that I had to go to the gym at least 4 times a week. I hated going. But I went, until friends started noticing the definition in my thighs. I hated that. I didn't want to look "hard". If I knew then, what I know now.

So I want to take up running, but realistically I need to walk. I need to learn to walk without trying to catch my breath. I need to build up my endurance. I realize that exercise is important. I want it to be something I enjoy and look forward to, rather than dread. Is that even possible? I know by saying I need to exercise more I won't do it. But it is my hope that in seeking a more active lifestyle that of course the exercise will come naturally. Just as it did when I was a teen walking all across my town.

Ughh ... I suck

2011-11-09T02:20:00.000-05:00

Already... a few days in and I've already failed miserably at NaBloPoMo! How could I have forgotten? Then what made it worse is I set the alarm on my phone to go off everyday to remind me. However, I didn't set the alarm in my calendar so what would happen is that each day the actual clock alarm would go off and I'd go 'Hmm." and turn it off, not even vaguely remembering why I set it to go off in the first place. I suck. Yes I know.

To make matters worse I'm getting sick as well. It started with a few sneezes in rapid succession and then deteriorated. I just thought it was my allergies flaring up and that it would go away shortly... well two days later I'm still sick and sneezing and coughing and my sides hurt from doing waayy too much sneezing and coughing. So not cool.

Writing...

2011-11-05T05:00:00.000-04:00

I don't profess to be a great writer. My ambition is not to become an author. However, despite the bad grammar and spelling seen here I have been writing for a long time. I've been writing in my trusty old journals.

In high school I started in the pre-teen journal with the lock and key dangling from the hard cover. You know the one, the one with the false sense of security. Even though it had a lock you could easily pick that bad boy with a barrette that everyone in my class wore at that time. As I got older the style of journal took on a more mature look, but I'm sure much of the writing is still the same. I was always comforted when I wrote in my journal. Which is why I now marvel while looking back at my twelve year old scribble with all the problems of life that only a twelve year old would have... "too much homework, will they let me go to the sleep-over, why wasn't I invited to that sleepover, she's not being my friend... etc. etc."

Using a pen and paper gave me comfort, and still to this day it holds true. In this day and age of facebook, e-mail, text messages and BBM sometimes I find that I've gone days and maybe even a week without using a pen. I always have a stash of pens handy and when I find that it's been too long that I've held one, I'll grab one and even make the grocery list.

In my head, I solve problems more easily on paper. I think more carefully before I write with a pen. In fact I have a wired hardcover notebook that I sometimes jot journal ideas in, unfortunately I haven't felt courageous enough to post most of what I have written down in the book. When planning an event, move, or idea my first thought is to usually draw for a trusty pen to plan my attack. In fact, more recently I had a friend over in my apartment and we were planning our Thanksgiving week and I couldn't understand why she couldn't use a pen and paper and preferred to use the laptop to plan. The idea just seemed very foreign to me. I think I just have an affinity for a pen.

I don't know what I was thinking, but my 4a.m. brain thought it was a great idea to sign up for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) on BlogHer and so my plan is that I'll be posting more this month. More like EVERYDAY! :) Let's see!

Fall 2011 TV

2011-10-29T01:00:00.000-04:00

I almost hate to start watching a new tv series. From past experiences I become engrossed in the plot and then apparently I'm the only one in North America watching and then they cancel the damn show. If you can't guess I'm still mad about Drive, The Event, Dirty Sexy Money , Lipstick Jungle, Cashmere Mafia and more recently The Playboy Club. I invest my time and space on my already overworked DVR and then kaput. Cancelled!

This season I tried my hardest NOT to drink the kool-aid. But of course I've fallen victim to quite a few shows. It started from the summer... Suits! Have you seen Suits on USA? OMG! Love it! Thank God it survived. Then there was even Single Ladies on VH1. The acting is nothing to write home about... believe me... NOTHING. However, the plot lines kept me interested. Then at the end of the season we hear of worries in the camp with one of the main actresses, Stacy Dash. So I guess we're up in the air on the return of that show.

The staples I'm already watching... Project Runway, Law and Order, the Mentalist, Mike and Molly (LOVE!), Survivor, Amazing Race... Housewives of ANY and EVERYWHERE except of course Miami, I live here and I hated every last one of them! I wonder if that's how the people from New Jersey feel about the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I am toying with Two Broke Girls... but I'm not all in, something just isn't authentic enough about the show. Could be the acting, could be the writing, I can't quite put my finger on that one. I like Unforgettable and Ringer has my attention as well. They've already set up A Gifted Man to fail by placing it on the Friday Prime Time tv slot. I watch it I like it but I expect it to fail, if nothing else the time slot will help to drive that nail in that coffin.

All that being said I am pleading with America, yes YOU that you do not cancel my new favorite show Person of Interest .

Now this show, I'm betting all my potato chips on! Thursday nights at 9p on CBS!

Baking...

2011-10-20T20:31:00.000-04:00

I typically don't like baking anything. Especially from scratch. Baking is more scientific. Cooking isn't. I could just throw some things together when I cook and it works, well in most cases. Somehow I don't think the same thing would happen in baking. Anyhow, I recently experimented and tried my hand at baking when I ended up with 3 hands of bananas. In an effort not for any of them to spoil I baked 5 banana breads in one week. However, I varied the recipe for each one. Some I added peanut butter to, some had yogurt, most had apple butter and dried cherries. We're not a "nut-in-food" household so no Banana Nut bread for us... which is why I don't understand why I didn't grind the flax-seed before I added it to the last one I made. Needless to say, that one lasted a lonnngggg while.

Last week I got a recipe for peanut butter cookies via email from Real Simple magazine. The recipe called for chopped nuts... but like I said.. no nuts here! I made them without and they turned out just fine. So fine in fact that when I decided to post about it we only had 2 left and what fun is that? So picture credits go to Real Simple. I love that magazine.

Life decisions

2011-10-11T03:44:00.000-04:00

I don't think that I have sat and truly made a decision about my life in a long while. Usually I'm backed in a corner and come shooting my way out and in that fight... there is my choice. But truly not waiting until I have no other choice and living a pro-active life, it's really been a while.

Some people make life choices and some people life happens to them. Life has been happening to me for a while. I've almost forgotten how to step out and start living. Yes I have friends and there is laughter in my life and I'm very grateful for that... but to live a truly proactive lifestyle. Not so much. I've been feeling the need for a life coach and I was put in touch with someone who could possibly help me, but I have yet to take the next step to call. Out of desperation one day I called a church to get counselling. I was promptly turned away. I was told in no uncertain terms that they did offer counselling but that right was reserved solely for members of their congregation. Needless to say I was not a member and after that greeting I would NEVER join that church. Suppose I was on the ledge about to jump and decided to call that church for help. Oh well!

Anyhow, in deep conversation with a friend of mine over the weekend I was wondering if I was truly ready for a life coach just yet... because in order to fully utilize a life coach then maybe you would first need to determine what it is that you want out of life. I'm not so sure. Beyond the happy, healthy and prosperous dream that we all have for ourselves... I'm uncertain. Clearly I'm not happy. Not nearly as happy as my happy potential could be... I'm not leading the lifestyle that goes down the healthy path, or else I would have been lacing up my sneakers and taking better care of myself. Then prosperous... that's a joke right? Nowhere near that side of town!

All is not lost, I don't think I'm in the worse situation ever. People have gone through much worse than I have and they have survived. So I can too, right? But when you're in the throes of things, it doesn't seem so bright and cheery. Especially considering that I'm not particularly optimistic to begin with. I am fueled by the fact that I've been through some situations where I didn't feel like I could ever see the light of day and it has worked out. I believe in it, but I still don't see myself as being truly optimistic. I don't have that halo of sunshine anywhere near my head.

High School

2011-10-08T14:04:00.000-04:00

For many, high school is a place where you create fond memories. This is where you make life long friends and start to mold yourself and your true personality. Or so we are told. Although, for others high school was a torturous, tumultuous experience. Some people went through an extended awkward stage, uncertainty in their social life and not sure exactly about their footing.

In a recent conversation I've found that someone else shared some of my views on high school. The somewhat well adjusted, popular, attractive girls in high school are not so attractive, well-adjusted and fulfilled later on in life. Granted there are exceptions, but for the most part they are not the go-getters of today. Instead the quiet, awkward and extremely shy ones and the ones that seemed to have blossomed later on in life. The ones that ~~you~~ I expected to be the ones taking over the world right now and the ones in the shadows trying to find themselves or put the pieces of their life together. Well we all are trying to put some pieces of our life together, or move on, or grow from it or something. Some more than others though. Clearly!

I understand that self fulfillment come in many forms and what I consider to be a successful life might differ greatly from someone else's opinion. Not everyone is meant to be married, have kids, a great career and live in that house with the white picket fence. I get that. It's certainly not my dream life. However I think that if these girls (and boys) knew that better was coming for them later on in life, then high school wouldn't have been such a miserable experience for some.

All I'm saying is that I wish I knew then, what I know now.

Via Pinterest

Troy Davis

2011-09-21T19:16:00.001-04:00

Admittedly I don't know the full story about the Troy Davis case. The little I know is that he was accused of killing an officer and he's been found guilty and is sentenced to the death penalty. There are people saying that there is doubt surrounding his being found guilty but after numerous attempts at a second trial he's been denied and so they plan to go ahead with the sentence sometime this week (again not sure exactly when).

Anyhow why I'm upset about this matter is that the media showed a clip of the fallen officer's family stating that they 'see the sentence as just and that they not only lost their father and husband but they lost the future that they could have had with him.' I understand that losing someone is a huge loss, I've lost my father too due to someone else being careless, BUT what does all of that mean IF they have the WRONG man?? This would not be the first time that they have arrested the wrong person for a crime. I would like to think that all avenues have been investigated to make sure that they have the right person in custody, especially when the death penalty is on the table. If I were in the officer's family's shoes then I would probably want the man to pay for what they did to my loved one. However, I think I would want THE RIGHT man to pay and not just anyone. Even then I'm not a firm believer in the death penalty ... except for those clear cut cases where the person is a sick frigger with no hope for rehabilitation. Then, that is different and a whole nother post.

Boxes

2011-09-17T13:46:00.000-04:00

I still have boxes! Yet I moved here over 6 months ago! I'm in awe. (Thankfully not as many as seen in this picture) I think they've been here for so long that my eyes just gloss over them when I go into the room. Coupled with the fact that I've married an eternal procrastinator, they're still there. This week I've had an "enough is enough" moment when it comes to these unpacked boxes. Other areas of my live have spiraled out of control (but not in a Hollywood starlet dramatic type of way, there are no pills, powders or liquid courage involved) so today I'm taking back control. Control of the boxes. I've managed to put away the CorningWare and Pyrex dishware that I received as wedding gifts almost 5 years ago that I never used... and vow to use them for a Sunday dinner coming soon and I have YET to use my food processor that I had to have and fell in love with. I still love it though! I have declared a moratorium on ~~book buying~~... wait... scratch that... I gave in and bought "The Help" as well as "A good Indian wife" recently. Clearly my magazine addiction still reigns supreme, but I've wised up. I either get them for free now or pay no more that $5 for a whole year's subscription! Ha! Take that! I've surrounded myself with things that I like/love... but the lesson is when you surround yourself with ALL the things you like or even love then you are no different than those people on A&E's Hoarders. I am not like one of those people on tv. BUT I could see where I could end up down that very slippery slope. My aunt gave me a bit of advice. She told me that when you see your house getting a bit messy. Plan a get together and invite people over. The thought behind it is that when company comes over you are forced to clean up, so if you keep having people over then you keep your hoarding in check. Notice those people haven't had people over to their home in years!At my previous apartment, I just didn't have enough space or I had too much stuff. This time I'm determined to make it work. So today it's unpacking day in my house!

MTV contract

2011-08-30T12:30:00.003-04:00

There's a copy of a MTV reality show contract floating around in the blogosphere. I've read it, but not surprising I didn't read it in its entirety. It's filled with a lot of legalese and things that people have become highly appalled over. Did you know that the participants are under contract basically up to five years after filming. They will be given 2 weeks notice and then they have to appear to do things like reunion specials and they will be given $2,500 for compensation. Okay. Suppose I have a wedding or something else important to do. I'm busy!

Anyhow that was of least concern to others that read the same contract. What they were most fired up about from my limited reading was the clause that stated that MTV could not be held responsible if you were raped, got pregnant or contracted an STD, including HIV, while participating in the project. Granted I am not vying for a chance to be in one of these reality shows anytime soon. I have habits that I would never want filmed or televised. I may or may not sometimes go bra-less at home and if I were "living" on MTV property for 3 months or so, I might consider it "home" and nobody wants to see that. Among other things I may or may not do... but I digress. People have claimed that MTV is up to some form of entrapment since they freely supply alcohol to these people who we have seen are not always in control of their actions (even whilst sober). Oh, I think the fact that they also may or may not conduct background checks on other participants may have added fuel to the fire because people think that adding alcohol as well as no background checks on people is definitely grounds for rape or some STD. It only makes sense, right? To be honest, that portion of the contract did not concern me. You run the same risk by going into a bar and talking to strangers, and even worse... you have to buy your own liquor in that bar!

What concerns me more is that MTV claims the rights to your life story and that they outright said that they also have the right to misrepresent your story. Huh?? NOW, that irks me. In addition they also said that they could show up at your real home and request items that they could use for filming and return them at the end of the project. Say what?!?! (Disclaimer: this is coming from someone who has invested in an adult toy business and may or may not have tons of "demo items" at home, either way... not good!) I know it takes a certain kind of person to want to go on a reality show for all to see... and I know that I am not this person. I don't have skeletons, well no more than anyone else... but you know when you see something and know this is NOT for you. That's me and reality shows. Love to watch, but to be actually on one. Uhmm... no thanks, I'll pass.

Delete!

2011-08-20T04:50:00.003-04:00

In order to save a friendship I have come to the conclusion that I need to delete this person from my Blackberry. It's for our best interest, believe me.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy her company. I enjoy her entire family. We just don't get to spend a lot of time together, that's ~~our~~ my only gripe. I think we have underlying issues with each other and it takes a small spark to ignite a whole new issue. I also think that a major part of our problem is that we communicate a lot via text, where as if one of us would just pick up the fricking phone and call we would hear the various inflections in our tones to know when one is joking, being light-hearted or being dead ass serious. You hear it a lot that this new generation who communicates entirely via twitter/facebook/text is losing their interpersonal social skills. I tend to believe in this instant that I fall victim to said trap.

I thought it was very convenient to use text to communicate as it's less evasive and while yes you would need to respond to carry out a conversation, it is less time sensitive as opposed to being on the phone where you need a response immediately. Texting gives you the option to multi-task and carry out numerous conversations and tasks. I wouldn't answer the phone, lets say, if I were cooking or watching a movie... but I could respond to a text and carry on what I was doing. Also what I enjoy is that there is less small talk. It's easy to text someone and find out a short direct answer versus the time it would take to call the person and get to that very same question. There's more "Hi, how are you doing? What are you doing? Is it raining by you? (<-- Sorry, typical South Florida summer weather question) I still think that texting has it perks, however since me and this person insist on having full-on conversations via text, which can and often time does lead to some misunderstanding... I think we need to cut the cord.

Cutting the cord means that we will be able to communicate less often but in a more meaningful way when we do. I keep thinking that we have a high maintenance friendship and that friendship should not be this much work, on either part. I realize and claim that I am highly sensitive towards some of the things she says to me or some of the things that she does, even somethings that my other friends can perhaps get away with doing without me having a second thought towards it. I'm watchful when it comes to her. Things have happened in the past which lead me to believe that I was not "good enough" to be friends with her and even though we've ironed out the major kinks where that is concerned... the sting of it is still there.

Of course this means that I am going to have to pick up the phone and let her know that I am cutting her off. Can you imagined if I delivered that news via text how it would come across? Not good is my guess.

Disclaimer: This idea is still in thought process and it is still unclear as to whether this is the best course of action to take to handle this situation.

Today!

2011-08-19T04:57:00.001-04:00

Lessons along the way

2011-08-16T19:28:00.006-04:00

I have a lot of clutter in my life. I moved recently though, after 7 years in the same place and so I shed a whole lot of clothes and papers and books, but clutter still remains. I tend to hold on to things from my past. I'm the one always trying to get in touch with old friends and think that we should plan to get together soon. I have most, if not all, my birthday cards and letters from family, old friends and even past boyfriends. I hold everything dear to me, despite constantly getting reminders from Peter Walsh that "when everything is important then nothing is important". Yet I still hold on.

For the past few months I had been struggling with an issue. I had an ex-boyfriend who I thought was still a good friend. We had both moved on with our lives and were supportive of each other's endeavors... or so I thought. I realized that my access to him via facebook had been getting more and more restricted as time went on, but it wasn't as if I checked in on him too often. I sent the usual birthday and Christmas greeting and maybe another time or so during the year I might call or text, or send msg via facebook to say hello. He never usually missed my birthday either.

The straw broke the camel's back recently when I ran into him and his wife at a function. I was with a mutual friend and it was our first time meeting his wife even though we all knew of her. As he introduced me to his wife he made reference to the school we both attended. Yet when he introduced the other friend that was with me he went on to say how they were great friends from back in the day. Okay. My friend chalked it up to him not knowing how to frame the connection and the best way was by school reference. Yet, I had no such trouble explaining the relationship to my husband and in the past we both went to his apartment to visit him some years ago. That introduction tied with my very limited access to him via facebook made it clear to me that it was time to sever all ties. Not that I wish anything but success and happiness for him, but I'll do so now from more of a comfortable distance. In addition, I think it's also time to let go of the old letters and cards that take up space in my real estate.

When I moved, as I was arranging my pictures I came across a picture of an old college mate of mine. I always wondered what ever happened to her. She was a really cool girl. Unfortunately I left college to go home for a summer and when I got back she was no longer enrolled in school. Eventually she wrote me a letter (even though she lived in a near by city.. maybe 25 minutes away) explaining that she had gotten pregnant and decided to drop out to have the baby. She went on to share personal details about the baby's father and their situation in the letter. I still have this letter. When we drifted apart, I blamed my hectic college life and her demanding routine as a single teenage parent. However, I always thought of her.

This past weekend when grocery shopping, I saw a woman checking out. Her face looked familiar and then it struck me that it was her. My long lost college friend. I called her name and she looked up. My face had a huge smile, while hers had a huge question mark. She had no recollection whatsoever as to who I was, I jogged her memory and while her voice said "Oh Yeah!" that question mark never quite went away. She had two girls with her and silly me looked at the younger of the two and figured that it was her daughter. Clearly the older one could not have been her child. She was wearing nail polish and makeup and looked to be an early teen. My friend then told me that both girls were hers and that over the years she had two boys as well. I was in SHOCK! Then I did quick math. She wrote that letter perhaps 14 or 15 years ago. As she checked out and walked away after exchanging pleasantries I decided to withdraw myself from the conversation quickly. Exchanging numbers and promising to catch up would be no good here, even though we both lived in the same area now. We were now very different people. I accepted that, but was also very happy that she didn't curl up and die after her experience. She was doing well and raising her family.

That night when I got home I decided to let go of a few things. Reminded myself to live in the present and to cherish those people in my life now. They are the ones that matter. Look at my past with pride and as a reminder that those experiences have led me to be who I am today, good, bad and ugly. Now if only bill collectors were this generous to us with the present economy.

2011-08-10T04:12:00.001-04:00

Testing

Confessions of Online Shopping

2011-08-09T08:20:00.004-04:00

For someone who spends as much time as I do online, you would think that I'm a big online shopper. I'm not! I believe in instant gratification when shopping. UNLESS... I find a huge deal online. Then and only then will I give in, and that's still a big maybe.

However I have a confession to make, I'm ALWAYS window shopping. At any given moment I'll have tabs and tabs opened with shoes, dresses, books, handbags etc., etc., but I don't buy them. First of all I don't trust shoe makers. A quick trip to DSW will prove that all size 10s are not made equally. I would hate to have bought shoes online and suffered during the waiting process from ordered to delivered to have them not fit. I can't risk it. I'd rather not go through the ordeal. Especially since where I live now is in the middle of some good shopping spots. Yet, I can't help myself. I still go through pages and pages of stuff I know I won't buy. I add them to my cart, I apply the various discount codes. Free shipping is a huge temptation, but I don't even glance in the direction of my wallet to retrieve my credit card.

Don't even get me started on Craigslist. Although that's not really online shopping since you can't complete the transaction online. I look at furniture ALL. THE. TIME. on Craigslist! I think of how I could re-upholster, dye, refinish, varnish, spray-paint items to breathe new life into them. I did make the trip one time to get new (to me) patio furniture that didn't work out, but I did get a free George Foreman grill for my efforts.

I wonder if there's a shoppers anonymous group meeting for people who shop without buying anything, I really think it's a sickness.

Blog Her

2011-08-04T05:23:00.003-04:00

Right now there are people in San Francisco gearing up to go to BlogHer 2011. I'd be completely lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I've had my sights set on Blog Her for a little while now, but I don't think I'm a "big" enough blogger to attend. That plus the complete lack of funds to attend this year made it a no-brainer for me. I wasn't going anywhere! Never mind the fact that it is in San Fran, a place I've been wanting to visit for quite some time now. The point of the matter is that around this time next year I will be at Blog Her! So there! (totally sticking my tongue out at you for effect!)

I think I could learn a whole lot from attending a conference on blogging. Sure it has nothing to do with me wanting to meet some of the people that I've been following for a year or two on my trusty reader. Never mind the swag that's given out at Blog Her. Who cares? (I do!) I hear it's way too much to travel back home with anyway. Especially considering the weight restrictions on airplane luggage nowadays.

But seriously speaking, I wanted to go and didn't. That says a lot about me and my goal setting and follow through. So this ties in with my specific plans for this weekend. I need to make a new Visualization Board, complete with short term goals as well as getting my mojo right again. I've been a little off centered. I'm still trying to sort out my home office as well, never mind the fact that it's been 6 months since I moved here already. I said never mind it okay. I'm still getting used to the idea of saying good bye to things that I've been holding on to in case I might need it and that's been slowing up the process tremendously. I need to put my big girl panties on and just get it done already. Easier said that done though. But between my kitchen timer and Spotify I will get it done!

To the bloggers attending I wish you all a great trip and great networking (and swag) and hope you learn a thing or two for me and you (and swag).

Be safe!

Eyeshadow

2011-07-27T00:16:00.005-04:00

I may actually have to temporarily turn in my woman card or be put on probation or something for what I'm about to say. Yes, it is that bad. *Deep breath*

I think I have too much eyeshadow!

There! I said it. *sigh*

I realized it about 2 months ago and yet I kept quiet about it for all this time. See I knew something was wrong but I finally have decided to woman up and admit my guilt. Really? Is there such a thing as too much eyeshadow? Really??

A few months ago a friend from Jamaica went shopping in New York and called with some great news. A palette was on sale at Sephora for $36! I was excited. I looked at it online and made it a point of duty to schedule a stop at Sephora for the very next day. I went. I saw... and I did not purchase. That should have given me a hint right there. I liked the palette but on closer inspection I realized that I had pretty much all the shades there or had something close enough that a man on a galloping horse would not have known the difference. Not that a man on foot would have noticed either unless his name was Sam Fine maybe.

I don't think you understand. See at one point my main goal was to have enough eyeshadow to rival the display at the MAC counter. I came pretty close to it and also I realized the hard way that even though the color looks fabulous in the tub doesn't mean that they are all suited to pose on MY eyelids. I think I've come to the end of my eyeshadow journey. I'm not excited looking at new colors anymore. I can even sit at the MAC counter without feeling the need to reach for my bank card. I'm shocked!

Years ago when I purchased my Yazmo case, my friend was at my house when the delivery came and she wondered how would I ever manage to fill it with makeup. I have and then some. Eyeshadow has been my pick me up. Whenever I'm feeling a bit low and going out... I've always managed to excite myself by thinking what eyeshadow combinations I could come up with. Yes I will need to replace some of my stash as I run out of them... but trying something new? I'm not sure that there is anything new for me to try. Yes, there are always new brands and textures... but color... that's it for me. Well for now anyhow. However, I do need some new brushes!

* that pic is just a small sample of the shadows that I have. :(

Home Renovation shows

2011-07-20T14:49:00.003-04:00

I love watching those home renovation shows, even though I know I am being deceived. I figured out the hard way that even though you may see only 3 or 4 people working on a project that will take two days. They in fact have an army of people assisting on various projects... NOT only that but in their arsenal they have a professional carpenter.

I really used to think that they would just happen upon the home and then plan out a whole new layout, fit with new furniture, flooring, window treatments and accessories and demolish and install the new stuff within the allotted two days. Really?? Then this is the kicker for me... the homeowner in most instances appears to leave the home before the big reveal after having no real control over the design and come back into the home claiming to love everything.... even though they live in an area where it's 110 degrees in the summer and they have removed the prized ceiling fan because it no longer fit into the new design plan. Really??

I'd love to do a show where they went back to the home after 6 months of them moving back in and having to live with all the changes that they oooed and ahhhed about earlier. However, that would be counter productive to the whole dynamics of the network. I get the idea though. The idea behind the shows is to make the average resident feel that design can be fun and that there are changes that you can make yourself to spruce up your living areas. Not only that, but in the process you'll end up making several trips to the local home improvement stores, who by the way are the main sponsors of the show. Then when you realize that you have started a project and can't manage it because Hello?? You don't have a professional carpenter waiting in the wings nor a team to take over the project so you may end up having to hire a professional to finish the job. But that's only if you can afford it after extending your budget to purchase all the necessary materials to start the job.

Can you tell I'm totally not buying the whole "We LOVE it!!" idea? I can see them loving some of the ideas and details... but ALL?? Really?? So I get it... just like watching the latest Vin Diesel flick, there is suspended disbelief involved as well. I like getting some of the ideas on the show though and still enjoy the reveals... although in the back of my head I will always wonder what the homeowner is truly thinking.

YouTube!

2011-07-07T04:35:00.005-04:00

Where was I on this youtube train?? Missed it, is what happened! I had no idea you tube could be soooo damn entertaining. Recently I've been going on it in the name of research (that's a whole nother story!) and before you know it, it's been 3 hours. WTH??

I used to visit every now and then to check out Eily311 and learned how to thread my own brows in a pinch. She even told me about my now FAVORITE eyeliner of all time and I'm a MAC girl. (Side note: Seriously the eyeliner is amazeballs... it doesn't move. I bought it for my mother as well and just last week she went to two funerals in one day and bawled her eyes out all day long and when she got home she called to tell me that the stuff didn't budge!)

Then of course there's the humor involved.
This video has gone viral! What had happened was ( Random: I chuckle every time I say that phrase) there was a downpour of heavy rains and they interviewed this man who lived in an area that was greatly impacted. The original news clip was then turned into one of the hit songs of the summer in Jamaica. The man spoke with a very funny accent, even though his point was quite serious. The good news is that having gained popularity from the song they have now developed an organization geared towards building a bridge to help the people in this community battle the water when necessary.

Then of course I can't talk about youtube and not mention my FAVORITE clip ever!! The first time I saw it was about 5 years ago and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I see it I laugh!
See for yourself:

If that's not determination, I don't know what is...

My friend's 8 year old son uses you tube to explore his new found love of origami and every now and then he comes up with new things to make.

Then of course there's Beyonce who also found these dancers on YouTube and it took her team 4 months to locate them and have them come to America to teach her the choreography for her Run The World (Girls) video.

Then there's also the Justin Biebers and Greyson Chances of the world who were discovered on YouTube. Mostly I've been using it for educational purposes... but it's worth it's weight in gold for entertainment!

IE9

2011-06-22T04:13:00.002-04:00

Today for the first time in many years I was reminded why I don't like to use Internet Explorer.

I had to use it to log in to a website and while I was on it it restarted no less than 3 times! Granted it looked very different from the last version I used and seems to be up to par visually with the other browsers out there... BUT I still don't like it! Maybe I didn't give it a long enough chance. Maybe the version I have is corrupted. Yet these while plausible explanations, they just don't cut the mustard. I shouldn't have to wait to give any browser a second, third or fifteenth chance. It should just work, yet just like many other things in life ... it doesn't go like that.

The good news is that while waiting for the browser to reboot, I cleaned off my laptop cart. Yay me!

Summer

2011-06-13T16:31:00.002-04:00

The summer is definitely here! Judging from the sweltering heat outside alone, it's a real scorcher out there. Usually I wonder what's the difference when people talk about the summer plans. Unless you're in school or have children in school I didn't really think there was a so-called summer for us adults. I personally prefer Fall. Love the evenings and the feeling in the air... but so far, this summer is a winner!

I start every weekend off with no definite plan and yet I end up doing so much more than I had anticipated. I've been to the beach, been to the lychee grove, Fashion Show, Jewelry show, library, and of course just hanging around with friends... and we've only just begun.

Here's hoping that this summer will continue to be filled with laughter, friends and good health.

Anonymous Bloggers

2011-06-04T02:28:00.002-04:00

I envy anonymous bloggers.

I wish I could hide behind the mask of the internet at times. Say things how I truly feel them in that moment without worrying about how it would affect someone else if they knew that 1. I felt that way and 2. was willing to share my feelings about it to the entire world, or even just the two of you that would read it.

I wish I could be more open about some of my friendships and why they work so well or why I struggle with some. More so the ones I struggle with than the successful ones.

I read a blog today where a lady was quite vocal about her sexual prowess and her preferences. I don't think she would be as open if she had been more public with her identity. But I think that it's the self censorship that causes the blog to be more watered-down for lack of a better term. However, it's also that same censorship that causes me not to have regret in the morning over what was said in the heat of the moment, because I simply did not write it. I try not to post when I'm highly upset. I reserve those emotions for writing letters to the companies that have done me wrong (errm Sprint!). But I digress. I'm just saying that sometimes I think it's good and bad that I don't have an anonymous blog. The things I would write about!!

Dark Girls

2011-05-26T12:27:00.000-04:00

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

I just saw the preview for this documentary for Dark Girls! Wow!

She was speaking to me! Did you hear her?

2011-05-25T23:22:00.004-04:00

Since Oprah was talking to me today. I mean, never mind the millions of people that watched, she was talking to me. I mean you all heard when she gave me her email address at the end right? Oprah@oprah.com It was just for me. But I'm not going to write her just yet. Since she was speaking directly to me when she spoke about listening to that voice inside to hear what your true calling in life is, you heard her too? Right? But she was speaking to me.

She was telling me indirectly to quiet the voices that lead to me procrastinating. I heard her loud and clear. I heard her so loudly I went to the home office and unpacked 2 boxes of stuff that had been sitting there for almost 4 months now waiting to be unpacked. I got in there at 5:05p. I had to pee after hearing her speak, which is why it took all of 5 minutes to get in there and get started.

In honor of Oprah I'm starting back up at the gym tomorrow. I have a date at 4p.m. and I'll be there for an hour. That is the time I would have spent sitting at home watching the Oprah show and being inspired and awed at what she had to say and not doing crap about it. but since there's no Oprah Show to watch tomorrow. I guess I'll go and actually do something about it. Don't get it twisted, I don't always agree with everything she says and does. However, I see the good in her message most times.
Today she told me to start acting on my life plan, start dreaming bigger dreams for myself and in her own little way she said... "Go to the gym tomorrow!" Didn't you hear her??

Oprah...

2011-05-24T02:41:00.004-04:00

In college I bought a VCR for the sole purpose of recording the Oprah Show every day. I used to schedule my classes and work around my tv time and when I was unable to do so to accommodate my Oprah viewing I decided that it was time to buy a vcr. There were days when there was a power cut or some breaking news would happen and my show wasn't recorded. Those were not good evenings to be around me. I only stopped recording the show when I got DVR service from the cable company umpteen years later. I may not always agree with her show topics or even opinions on the shows, but I always watched. Even when she would interrupt the guests a little too much for my liking, I still watched the next day.

Oprah has been an inspiration to many people over her 25 years, that is the understatement of the year by the way. Many talk shows have come and gone and still left her at the top of her game. Now she's decided to end her run. I understand fully, every good thing must come to an end. However I know that there will be a huge void that cannot be filled by anyone. Previously we had a slew of talk shows doing similar topics but they all didn't last, only Oprah did, now we don't have that many talk shows with that format and now she's bowing out.

Today I watched the third to last show and it was a great tribute and very bittersweet. I understand her leaving and I agree that it's time... but what will my 4p.m.'s be like from now on. Can you imagine the people that watch soap operas and Oprah. This must be a horrible year for them.

Painting

2011-05-23T23:52:00.004-04:00

I was on Las Olas on Sunday afternoon and walked by an art gallery and saw this painting in the window so I walked inside. I love it! All $6,500 worth of it!

Books and Reading

2011-05-18T03:36:00.003-04:00

I've missed reading. Not just perusing various websites and magazines. I mean picking up an actual book and turning the pages. I love that. It's a feeling I don't think can be replicated on the Kindle or Nook, which is why I haven't gone over to the dark side where that is concerned just yet. I know it's the greener option, but I'm just not there yet.

Opening a book brings back childhood memories of reading Nancy Drews from cover to cover and then later on Sweet Valley High. I got lost in books. I read anything I could get my hands on. I even had a dark period where I only read Stephen King, John Saul or Dean Koontz. These days sadly I'm more picky about what I read. I love when I'm in the last chapter of a book and about to finish the book. After closing that final chapter I take a moment to savor the book, the whole story, the characters and the lessons learnt. Although sometimes the lesson is "don't read any more books by this author".

I recently went to the library and found myself looking over a small mountain of books at the table. I was then told that I could borrow as many as I wanted to... so I did. I carted them all home with me. I used to buy a whole ton of books and then read them once and then what? Have them add to the clutter. I will buy a book if I'm REALLY, REALLY interested in it. The library became my friend. So for the next couple weeks I'll be reading my way through my haul.

I'm now reading "The Postcard Killers" by James Patterson and Liza Marklund

What it means to be happy?

2011-04-19T05:16:00.004-04:00

Is it sad that I can't remember the last time I was happy. I mean truly smiling until my cheeks hurt happy. I'm not sad. Well not most of the time. But Happy, nope... not there either. I'm grateful. I try to live my life from a place of gratitude. Happy to have what I do have in my life. But the truth of the matter is that I get by from day to day and some days just barely.

I realize and acknowledge that I do have great friends who have listened and reached out to me to help get me out of my funk from time to time and it has helped tremendously. However getting to happy has to be my journey. No-one can carry me to happy. I have to carry myself there. In my 20's I would never have gotten that. I get it now. Now I have to get my road map together and figure out a way to get there all on my own. That's the hard part.

I feel so restricted at times. Limited. Like a huge weight is resting on me at times. I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't dream. Can't even bring myself to dream of something bigger for myself. At times I wonder when did this happen? What exactly happened? I can't pin-point it. I know I didn't start out like this at all. However, that's where I am now. I need to get out of this stage though. I know that much.

I give up...

2011-04-13T06:52:00.003-04:00

I'm tired of reaching out to people who I think are my friends. Trying to keep in touch, texting, e-mailing... checking in. Especially with those who clearly don't have or see it fit to make time for me. Nothing particularly spurred it on. I didn't have a falling out with anyone, well nothing to do with this thought anyhow. Nothing of the sort. I know I have friends who truly are busy, but in this day and age... isn't everybody busy? Why should I be the one that is ALWAYS reaching out? I give up on the superficial conversations, I don't do well with small talk anymore. I don't do well with pretending that all is well anymore. I'm a slow learner, but I can take a hint. I'm done. You know where to find me if you need me. :)

Zumba

2011-04-07T06:43:00.002-04:00

This has been showing up on my radar all week. I actually found my dvds amongst the unpacked boxes I still have laying around in the other bedroom. I dusted them off but have yet to try them. I decided to catch up on some of my podcasts and sure enough the topic on two of them was Zumba. I was toying with the idea of going to check out a local class and Googled it and sure enough they offer them in my area. I think I need to try the dvds first just so I don't pop down in the studio.

So far this week though I've walked 2 miles each day. I was thinking to take the day off walking tomorrow but I'm thinking to still keep exercising so maybe tomorrow is the lucky Zumba day! We'll see.

This week I've also unfurled my yoga mat and dismantled the two jigsaw puzzles that were assembled and separated by tissue paper and rolled up in the mat for safe keeping. Couldn't find a frame to accommodate the puzzle so until then... back in the box it went. I wanted my mat back. So unfortunately now I don't have any excuses not to do yoga. Well aside from my old achy non-stretched joints... but hopefully that will also change very soon. Still using my exercise ball to stretch daily though and it's made such a difference with my back. Who knew that stretching was so important?

Blackberry

2011-04-02T09:16:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note to let you know what I think about the Blackberry.com website! IT SUX!!!
I've been trying to enter my username and password... it doesn't work... so I chose "forgot password"... they've sent me how to reset the password... I did. Then it tells me that my account has been disabled. Fine! I sign up for a new account... it says that this email address is currently in use. Make up your mind BB. Am I in or am I out??? Geesh!

Forever..

2011-03-29T04:38:00.003-04:00

"They" say that nothing lasts forever right? There's also that quote "...and this too shall past..." I think that they're repeated especially during the hard times to remind you that there are good times around the corner. Especially when you're smack dab in the center of your own turmoil, whatever that might be. But what about death? That's forever. The pain that comes from death is forever as well. Sure it may dull in some cases, but it's still very much there. Nothing annoys me more than when you mention the death of someone to my husband and he says his usual response "Part of life... death." That is until it happens to someone who he knows very well, then he changes his tune.

Unfortunately death is a huge part of life. What I hate about death is the finality of it all. So many questions left unanswered in most cases. Such longing. Emptiness.

People say that they live each day to its fullest, but is that really possible. Every damn day to it's fullest?? Really? I can sleep for an entire day and night.... that's not living life to its fullest, is it? What about people who live in a holding pattern? That's not really living either is it?

I'm not sure I'm making sense to anyone else right now... but not having a good night. Just thinking about a dear friend that's on his last right now.

Dumbass!

2011-03-25T06:25:00.004-04:00

Anyone who knows me well know that I watch a whole lot of tv. Too much. I usually shrug off the nonsense but still watch the best in "trainwreck television". The week I found myself talking to the tv, screaming in fact. Screaming at (hides face in shame) ... Teen Mom 2! I know, I know... but I did preface it by saying it was trainwreck tv... that should have given you some hint that it was bad.

For those of you that don't follow it's a spin-off of 16 and Pregnant... they follow up on 4 of the teen parents as they make mistake after mistake. Some I can see and chalk up to them being young and foolish... but this girl on there name Jenelle is a little bit more than young and foolish, okay a lot more. I know I made silly mistakes in my own life but this girl... ooohhh Lawd. She had a baby young...okay... her baby's father was a loser and is long gone. So she's doing right by the child and raising the child right? WRONG!! Luckily her mother realized that she has a dumbass for a daughter and decided to take over parental rights for the little boy. Phew! Granted the mother is annoying as all get out, but her daughter needs as we Caribbean people would say "two bitch lick" to set her straight.

During this week's episode homegirl decided to drive her user boyfriend to New Jersey and steal her mother's credit cards to fund the trip. Not to mention that her mother is barely making ends meet.. $400 or $700 later (depends on who you ask) she gets a call from her credit card company about the charges. She confronts the daughter about it and she responds with mucho attitude. What?? Then to make matters worse, the daughter decided not to call in to work while she was on her outing and so of course now she has no job. Dumbass doesn't even begin to sum up this chick. She needs a good friend in her life to help clear her head. I hope she watches the show later on when she's sensible enough and knows that she was a dumbass! Geesh!

"Gay" in your own home?

2011-03-17T06:30:00.002-04:00

Recently I had a conversation with a good friend of mine. Before I knew it I asked him if his brother was gay... and I hit send! There was no turning back after that. It was only after that I realized that there could be a possibility of him being offended by the question. It then dawned on me that your being offended could stem from how you viewed homosexuality.

It stands to reason that if you didn't see anything "wrong" with being gay, then you shouldn't be offended if your sibling was gay, right? Not so simple, because what about those people who don't have a problem with "you" being gay, but the problem starts when it not just hits close to home... it hits home smack dab in the center.

I started a personal survey, by asking a few friends "would you be offended if I asked if your brother was gay?" Some reacted by instinctively "defending" their sibling... saying "NO he's not!" without looking at the actual question at hand... about being offended ... while others cautiously crafted their responses by asking why I was asking. Did I hear anything? Did I see anything?

Personally, I have been blessed (or cursed) with fairly good gaydar. And to be honest, one being gay or not has no direct bearing on my personal feelings toward them, but also there are variables to that statement. I have asked two friends directly about their siblings and by all indications they didn't seem to be offended by my asking.

It is also very important to point out that in my culture (Jamaican) being Gay is almost seen as the ultimate sin, never mind all the cheating, stealing, lying and killing that takes place there on a daily basis. Most of the homosexuals that live there have either adopted a "down-low" lifestyle or have tried their very best to keep their sexuality under wraps in their own community that have been formed as a result of the secrecy. Then of course you have the few that are out and considered very brave.

There are a few people I know for sure, sure had no choice in the matter and so I lean very strongly towards the fact that some people are born gay. I don't think in our society being gay is a privilege and so for someone to choose a lifestyle that causes much strife in their entire life just isn't what I would consider regular behavior. I do think that there are some people in the gay community that are just experimenting, but for the most part... not so much. I can't lie, I'm fascinated by the whole gay issue... but not the actual sexual aspect of it, that I can do without. The social issue is so much more interesting and varied to witness.

"Fasten" (Random)

2011-03-14T07:43:00.004-04:00

I have told you people before about my mother and how funny she is, right? I mean hilarious! Last night she called and we were talking about her friend's dogs. Recently there had been an "accidental" breeding which resulted in 6 or 7 puppies. While puppies are cute and all of that, there is an increased level of responsibility that I don't think her friend was ready to take on. Anyhow, the friend was on vacation and got a phone call that the dogs were "fastened", which is to say that they locked up during the mating process. So again the possibility of breeding exists. My mother then proceeds to talk to her friend about why the female dog wasn't on birth control. I didn't know that you could give the dog regular birth control pills, but apparently you can. But even more importantly they began the discussion of whether or not the morning after pill would work in this instance. Pure comedy I tell you!

*No animals were harmed during the process previous to this blog post*

Mind Bump

2011-03-05T08:12:00.002-05:00

After thinking that I needed a prod to write something, I went to mindbump.com for a gentle nudging.
The topic I got was “If you knew when you were going to die and you had to plan your own funeral, what type of flowers would you choose? What songs would you choose?”

That was a bit weird as I found out just today that a family that was once very close to me is now bracing themselves for a funeral. One of my uncle's best friends is dying. I feel a bit removed from the situation as a very serious issue caused me to stop talking to their daughter. But now while still an issue, it just doesn't seem as important as it once did. Not now. He is dying after all. I know I'm going to have to make that awkward phone call and reach out to her today. No matter how trivial it may seem it is coming from a place of deep sincerity.

Okay... now my funeral...if I had a say there would be no red roses and no anthuriums (they remind me of funerals LOL), but I'd have yellow roses and of course if they were in season I'd have tulips. Gosh I love tulips! I'd want them to sing "All things Bright and Beautiful" and the other funeral staple "How Great Thou Art" to me a funeral doesn't seem complete without this song. Yes it is funeral-like but I like it a lot. I tried to find a jovial looking video to the version I like.

Phew!

2011-02-18T00:08:00.003-05:00

With the help of a few friends, angels really, we've moved!

After living in the same apartment for 7 years, it was unbelievable all the stuff we had acquired and lived with. To make matters worse I lived on the third floor with no elevator, so moving out wasn't as easy as we'd like. We're settling in at the new spot and trying to unpack and get everything situated. Easier said than done. So far though, I really like where we chose to live, it's pretty close to stores that we like to shop at and places we like to eat at. The dog seems to like it too, much easier to walk him. The only thing I'm NOT loving is that there is no bookstore nor movie theater close by here, but other than that I'm good.

I still have a few (ok more than a few) boxes of stuff to go thru and of course clothes to put away, but I'm LOVING my new closet as well. Especially since I don't have to share it! Although to be honest all my clothes is still mixed in with the husband's for now. We also threw away my bookshelf because it was coming apart so I need to replace that so I can unpack allll my books and stuff. Hopefully soon. Also my lampshades are coming apart so I feel a whole new project coming on soon. Will be sure to share when I get to it.

The Bachelor

2011-01-20T02:31:00.002-05:00

Despite my better judgement I have been sucked into watching this season's offering of the Bachelor. I watched the first couple seasons but then it just became redundant. I never understood how people thought that they would definitely meet their match in such a media driven contest. More importantly why would they think that their match would be found definitely in this set batch of people hand picked for you.

My point has been made over and over again with the break ups after the show. Despite various proposals and promises of forever more often than not when the cameras are off and they go back to regular life, where Seal isn't waiting in the wings to serenade them with his ballads. Instead there is work, bills, home life and probably a whole lot less makeup and boy can that ruin a romance.

What drives me absolutely batty is to see the crying after he did not give the girl a rose. Like seriously! They do NOT know him that well to be crying this much over him. Then of course there is no waterproof mascara in sight so there is terrible, terrible raccoon eyes as they are literally BAWLING over the guy they met last week. Hello?!?!

Change is...

2011-01-11T02:13:00.002-05:00

scary as hell. Especially after being in one position for many years, longer than I should have been, I think... but everything happens for a reason, right? Change only happens when it's supposed to happen. It's difficult but still after your mind is made up it becomes easier... even when you have nooo fricking clue how things will work out, you just have to keep focused and step out on faith that things will all work out. I know I'm rambling...but I need to get it all out somehow... the tension in my shoulders, the knots in my tummy, the lumps in my throat, the second guessing... I know it's time though and we have no choice but to go ahead with it...but gosh it's all so scary. This grown up life is sooo not easy. I wish I could write a letter to 15 year old Nix. I'd tell her to savor the days when her biggest worry is what to wear on the weekend and if she'll get permission to go to the party with her friends.

Feelings

2010-12-30T16:26:00.002-05:00

Troubled. Tormented. Stressed!

This is exactly how I feel today. I feel very bothered by the fact that I am about to start a new year feeling like this. Usually I would, or should, feel excited or anxious about what the new year will bring and all for the right reasons. This time not so much. I think these feelings are further elevated by the fact that my mother is also here staying with me and in my mind watching my every move. I love her dearly, but I'm not used to being around her for so long any more.

Then, if that's not enough... my closet fell down 2 days before Christmas! So I have clothes and stuff everywhere plus my mother's stuff in our tiny apartment. We were watching Hoarders on tv the other night and my bedroom is not very far from looking like something from that show. I keep trying to think "And this too shall Pass". But soon my mother will be back to her life at home and I will wish that she were here with me, so I'm trying to muster a strong battle face and enjoy her company amidst all the added drama going on.

Dear Blog...

2010-12-15T00:19:00.002-05:00

I certainly have not forgotten about you, although it may seem like I have. I think about you all the time. I plan to be more committed to spending more time with you in the very near future. Life seems to have me in a choke hold at the moment and so I am not able to share with you the things I really, really, really want to share.

My mom is also coming soon to visit for 2 weeks, so I know I will be busy then. Also it's smack dab in the middle of holiday season so I'm not sure how my time will be spent. But I am sure I will be a bit busy.

Anyhow, dearest blog fret not, I have not forsaken thee. ;)

Crazy is as Crazy does!

2010-11-05T02:41:00.002-04:00

Who knew that a somewhat innocent conversation about Kanye West would lead to such a revealing conversation?

My significant other is not a fan of Kanye at all... may even be bordering on hate. I on the other hand I get Kanye. I may not agree with everything he does though. In fact I think he's a little crazy, but I get it. I always think that there is a very fine line between crazy and creative and in some cases the line is a little fuzzy. This fuzziness lead to people tinkering a little on crazy and then on creative at times. Kanye is one of those people to me. I accept it and I'm still a fan.

Anyhow, after expressing my view I told my husband that I think he's a little crazy too. Okay, a lot crazy. In fact he went to art school as well so he kinda proves my point. I told him that I think he needs counseling to help him with those voices in his head. No he didn't go crazy on me... in fact he told me he thinks something is wrong too. I don't think it's something that he can fix... but something he can manage. He didn't admit that he was crazy though, not by a long shot, but we're starting to have a conversation about it and that's a good thing.

Cheater!

2010-10-31T23:44:00.002-04:00

I'm going to be a cheater... and yes I'm proud. No, not that kind of a cheater. A writing cheater. I really do enjoy having a blog, but sometimes I feel stuck. I have things going on at times that feels waaaaaayyyy too personal to talk about here and when it's not a resolved issue it tends to be at the forefront of my brain and on the tip of my tongue, so I stay away from writing. Lest I spill too much.

But then if I'm not writing about what's on my mind, then what in heavens will I write about? Enter the 30 days of truth writing prompts. I thought about doing it, but it will require more in depth thinking to write a truly factual piece. The prompts ask questions like "Someone who made your life hell or treated you like shit". I don't usually focus on that, the only person that's making my life a living hell right now is me... and "living hell" is kinda harsh and dramatic for where I am right now. I started walking around with a book, when I have an idea to write about something I write it in my book. Undeveloped ideas. Just a word sometimes. But it will help on those days when I have these hiccups in life when I feel forced to remain silent.

Progress, I think.

Top Chef a competition? No? Really?

2010-10-13T02:31:00.003-04:00

For most people that know me, they know that I am a reality tv fanatic. Especially the ones on Bravo TV. Top Chef has been a favorite from the very first Quick-Fire challenge. I was a little skeptical when I saw the first episode of the spin-off "Top Chef : Just Desserts", there seemed to have been more of a shift from the food to the drama that goes on among the contestants. Maybe it's just that these contestants are a little more dramatic that usual, who knows... especially since their craft is more precise and they are being thrown into a situation where they have no tried and true recipes to help them out. Panic!

Anyhow, the common thread is that they are all competitive shows. Shows that can help make or break your career. I'm sure people are clamoring to get a piece of the action. I'm not sure what the casting process is for this show in particular. The casting director did a great job of picking people who had stories behind the food, but on the other hand everybody has a story, right? They did a great job of picking this one guy who while creative and talented clearly needed to be supervised and constantly medicated. Then the cherry on top came when this last contestant claimed that she didn't "enjoy cooking in a competitive environment" and asked to be eliminated. WHAT? You gotta be frigging kidding me! Do they blindfold the competitors and not tell them that Top Chef is a competition until the very last minute? I mean, all they had to do was call me, I would have told them.

I find this behavior to be cowardly and selfish. Very selfish! I'm sure there is some tormented pastry chef who tried out to be on the show and didn't make it, for whatever reason, someone who would give their left pinkie finger to be on the show... and you just give up and ask to be eliminated?!?! If it was the very first installation of Top Chef where you knew it would be some sort of competition but not quite sure how it is, then by all means quit! But you surely saw Top Chef Masters where established chefs who own and operate successful restaurants have sweat and had to serve unfinished dishes because of the pressure or time constraints or something else. Pressure is NOT something new. You have the advantage, you know there is going to be pressure and loads and loads of it while filming the show. The first cast had no clue whatsoever... you do. Yet you still try out and wait until you know that you're food is not horrible just to save face to say you quit the show and that the show did not quit you. Horrible! A thousand curses of deflated souffles on you. YOU. KNOW.BETTER!

Tropical Storm Nicole

2010-09-30T02:49:00.002-04:00

At the beginning of hurricane season when they released all the storm names, I was somewhat delighted to see my own name among the ones chosen for 2010. This hurricane season I did not remain glued to the tv as I had been in past years, so I didn't know where we were or what to expect. I figured my mother would call and warn me of any impending danger due to storm as she usually does. She didn't fail me. I finally tuned in to see all the hype and was told that Tropical Storm Nicole was heading to my area and that we basically would be under water. I'm not going to say it didn't rain at all, because it did, but it rained the day before the storm was expected to come and there was much more rain then.

I hate to say I'm disappointed in a storm, because you really don't want the intensity and mass destruction that comes along with it... but I really thought Nicole would have been stronger. Although the people in Jamaica will not be sharing my sentiment. I think 8 people died there and lots of flooding and roadways collapsed thanks to Nicole.

Products that make you go hmmm.

2010-09-14T02:34:00.002-04:00

Some time ago I spoke about this product called Cuchini and at the time I truly didn't get it. The product is basically a camel toe eliminator. Since then I have seen the need for the product, see any Soca/Calypso Carnival picture gallery and you'll see what I mean. Side note: with Miami/Broward Carnival coming up again in a few weeks I hope that some guilty parties will choose to invest in the product.

Today though, I was watching the Wendy Williams Show (DON'T JUDGE ME!! LOL) and she mentioned this product... Hmmm

It's describes as a FUD (Female Urination Device). It's supposed to enable a woman to be able to pee standing up without much splash. They said it, not me. It retails for $9.99. I can see the functionality of it... but still hmmm.

Reading, Writing and 'rithmetic

2010-08-28T03:10:00.000-04:00

I love reading but I have lots of guilt where reading is concerned. I'm ALWAYS behind on my magazine subscription reading (this year I've decided not to renew any! Even O MAG, which will suck I know, but for my own sanity it must be done!). So when I'm reading a magazine I think I'll never catch up and that I should read one of the tons of books I have before I pass it on to the library's ongoing book sale, then when I read one of those books I think I should work on the magazine stacks. It's back and forth. Last week, I went to the library and stocked up on some past James Pattersons that I missed, as well as Harlan Coben's Caught.

I ended up staying up all night reading it. In true Coben fashion it was indeed a page turner! He seems to have a way to write about relatively ordinary people having an extraordinary moment that changes the course of their lives forever. If only he could work up a factory the way James Patterson seems to have one going, Patterson keeps churning them out. I've actually started to believe that James Patterson no longer writes. Instead he lends his name to his co-writers and let them do the dirty work. There is no way he could focus on the amount of books he has been publishing in one year. No way! Just doesn't add up.

Anyhow, tomorrow I'm thinking pool side and a couple magazines. That's if it doesn't rain!

Chinese Telephone.

2010-08-23T03:50:00.005-04:00

I don't know what they call it in America, or in China for that matter, but in Jamaica we called it Chinese telephone. It's a game that children in school yards play. You get a group together and you think up a simple statement at one end and it's passed along by whispers one by one around the group, no repeats. Then the last person announces what they heard. Usually it's very far from what was said in the beginning. Whether someone intentionally shifted things up or whether they just heard wrong, we don't usually know. The same happens in real life, unfortunately.

Today I spoke to my aunt. I haven't spoke to her for a while. I mention to her that my husband is in her area. She says that she would love to meet him and that I should tell him to come by. Then she asks 'so how are things with you both' ... ahmmm fine. She tries again and asks if we're arguing...uhmm no, not this week. Then she comes flat out and says that "a birdie" told her that I was having problems with him and was looking for somewhere to live to move away from him. Hmmm, news to me. Maybe he's having problems with me and looking for a place to live, hmm I wonder. Then it hit me, a few months ago I told my mother about some trouble we were having with the landlord and that I was looking for somewhere for US to live. So far the problems have dimmed and we're still here.... but ahmm me moving from him? News to me.

I later called my mother to ask her who she mentioned it to, because I know it was not on my end. Only very few people knew I was looking and they have no ties whatsoever to my aunt, so the leak had to have come from my mother. We both came to the same conclusion that the source was a meddling relative I have. Now, I was a bit annoyed with my aunt, but after thinking about it I was grateful that she mentioned it to me and got the story straight. I even told her to go back to her 'birdie' and tell her that I would appreciate it if she confirmed her story with me before passing it along to God knows how many people. I'm not angry, more annoyed than angry. Will Chinese telephone ever end?

Guilty Pleasure - RH

2010-08-17T01:53:00.003-04:00

I have many guilty pleasures. But today I wanna address my Real Housewives of ______ situation. How did I get suckered into watching this reality series of people who pretend to be richer than they actually are, pretend to be friends with people who they will not only talk about behind their backs, but behind their backs on National TV. Gotta love it!

You know how people say that watching soap operas make them feel better about their own lives because they don't have as much going on. This Real Housewife thing used to make me feel worse. How come I couldn't live a Real Housewife lifestyle? Minus the botox, the plastic surgery and the low self esteem. Huh? Then the facade started to crumble. People started filing for divorce in real life, people started getting evicted out of their mansions, they went into foreclosure, they lost their jobs and their six-figure income and lifestyle that went along with it. And then I started to feel better about myself! Hell, I think I just might be better off.

Although there is one "housewife" that I rooted for... thing is she wasn't technically a housewife since she was not married, didn;t even have a boyfriend for the most part and she did actually work - Bethenny Frankel. She was on the Real Housewives of New York cast, now she's not one who is short of drama. She's had plenty. But now her life seems to be coming together. She found a husband and she's had a baby and her career has skyrocketed. I just hope that some time from now we don't all hear that it's been a sham.

Help save Jacob !

2010-08-02T21:40:00.002-04:00

Almost two years ago I met Jen. She's a good friend of my good friend. I liked her immediately. She was the one at the barbecues always holding the babies and rocking them to sleep. Despite her already having a son, she really, really, really wanted to have a baby. Soon after we all discovered that Jen was pregnant with her second baby. She was beyond elated. BEYOND! The baby was born in February and I finally got to meet little Jacob in April. All was well, ten fingers, ten toes and looked just like his dad. When I say just like... I mean, if there was any question at all of infidelity there would be absolutely no need for Maury Pouvich to intervene. Just one look at the dad and the lady with the extra large q-tip ready to take a swab would realize that she was wasting her time. That baby belonged to Mike! No question. So all was well. Or so we all thought.

My next meeting with Jen was at a 4th of July barbecue, she told me that the doctors discovered that while everything seemed perfect with little Jacob, he was born without a "mole" or rather a soft spot in his head. Which means that his entire skull is already formed and fused. The basic problem with that is that while his tiny brain grows, it has no space to grow to so eventually he would experience seizures and possibly go blind. To fix it they would have to remove pieces of his skull and to reshape it he will have to wear a helmet for a few years. Intense!

They have formed a website that you can check out and hopefully help out. Hopefully they will explain what's going on better than I have and of course you can see pictures of sweet baby Jacob. http://www.helpsavejacob.com

I almost forgot...

2010-07-14T04:57:00.003-04:00

I seriously almost forgot to mention my great weekend. Never mind that the reason for it was a funeral. A very shocking death and more than the usual share of drama surrounding the life and apparent death of this individual. He was my cousin's father and in keeping with the old adage not to speak badly of the death I will say that this man taught me how to spell Mommy... "m-O-m-m-y"... correcting me by stating that "m-U-m-m-y" was someone wrapped up in old sheets in Egypt somewhere. That's all folks... nothing else to say here about him. You really don't air dirty laundry in public.

Anyhow, his death caused two of my cousins and an aunt to come into town last weekend. It felt like a good cleansing. You know when you have conversations about ANY and everything and don't feel judged, but feel very free afterwards. Every night I went to bed after 4a and woke up by 8:30a sometimes even 7a to more talking. On the way home from the viewing of the body, we even had a little fender bender which still causes my shoulder to ache. We laughed, we cried... and I can't stop talking about it.

For a long time, my friends have become my family and so when I actually see my family, I am reminded that I am connected to others in the world through blood. They have no choice. I am theirs. The good, the bad and the ugly. When you have a disagreement with a friend at the end of it, there is a choice as to whether the friendship will continue or not. With your relatives there is no choice. Yes, you can choose to discontinue the relationship, but the relation is forever. There is a great sense of security that comes with that.

Vision Boards

2010-07-14T04:36:00.003-04:00

A few years ago I attempted to make a vision board. You know, when The Secret just came out. My vision board was sparse and a huge reminder that maybe I had no vision for my life. Needless to say, I was discouraged and that's putting it mildly.

Fast forward to last fall, I went to a training exercise and of course the project was to create a vision board. Within the hour and a half I created a board that was colorful and creative and filled with symbols of what I wanted my life to be filled with. I liked the exercise a whole lot and decided that I needed to create another one when I wasn't pressed for time, just to see what I would come up with. I still haven't completed it, okay I didn't as much as start it yet. So imagine my surprise when in another training meeting via conference call the homework is to create a vision board this week. What will I come up with this time? Oh and do you think it's too much to ask for some cool breeze in Florida? I mean, this heat is seriously oppressive!

Hello Good Morning!

2010-06-28T02:50:00.001-04:00

This Timer thing...

2010-06-27T02:42:00.000-04:00

I know I'm getting old. My new fave thing is listening to podcasts. Not the music ones either. The talking kind! My first "spoken" podcast was Grey's Anatomy, where the writers of the show would discuss the various episodes after they aired on tv. Anyhow, the other day in the midst of my move (that is packing up to go nowhere) I felt a bit overwhelmed with my clutter, so I started looking for podcasts to help with organizing strategies. I found quite a few. One of the more interesting ones was FlyLady. Her method dealt with taking babysteps towards completing huge tasks. I have also heard where many people have called in and given their testimonials on how she totally changed their lives. So while I have not attempted to follow the entire program so far... I have done a few small things and can see a serious difference already. Although it's not like my apartment was fit to be on Hoarders or Clean Sweep, but I do have a few areas that could use some help.

One of the main things was to get a kitchen timer. Set it for 15 minutes and start working on a problem area in your home. Or just a chore that you wanted to get done. My first time using the timer, I had come home from the supermarket with groceries including some ground turkey that I had planned to cook that night. When I got home, I realized that we had some leftovers and decided not to cook again. However, I didn't put away any of the groceries or done the dishes after we ate. I set that timer to 15 minutes and ended up seasoning the turkey, put away the groceries, washed the dishes, cleaned the stove top and wiped down the counters... with 2 minutes to spare. I was sold!

So since then, whenever I've had something looming that I don't want to do... I set the timer to 15 minutes and decide to do what I can in that 15 minute window. Wouldn't you know, most times I end up finishing the chore. The place is nt exactly where I'd like it to be, but I'm getting there 15 minutes at a time.

Who knew Twitter could be such fun?

2010-06-22T20:49:00.004-04:00

I feel like I was released from twitter jail. Seriously. I knew that I could follow whoever I wanted and by choice, whoever wanted to could follow me. But I felt stuck in an obligatory rut. I was following people I knew, or knew of. I have followed and un-followed Ashton Kutcher tons of times... because you know, everyone should follow him right? Isn't he like twitter God?

I decided early on that, aside from Ashton, I wouldn't be celeb crazy. Really, who the hell cared if Kim Kardashian was at a photo shoot or not? Not me. Shaquille was an early find and burial... just wasn't my thing. I won't lie, I have a few celebs/// but I didn't go alllll crazy with it. Anyhow, I started to enjoy twitter but felt that it could be so much more to me. I had a few people that I enjoyed reading their updates. I felt like I learned something most times.

On Mondays and Thursdays I started getting involved in trainwreck tv and would post religiously during Real Housewives of Every and Anywhere. Bashing Danielle, Kelly or whoever that week. Then I discovered that some of the other blogs I read posted on twitter as well, most of the television shows or channels I watched posted too. Then there were all those foodie bloggers and chefs and home decorators and so on and so on.... and now my timeline is looking sooooo much better.

So while I'm definitely not an expert just yet... I do enjoy twitter. A LOT. Hey... come follow me on that journey.

Remember the silver linings.

2010-05-23T02:30:00.002-04:00

I can't say that I've lived a stress free life thus far. In fact, far from it. I always remember having some great big worry looming over my head. Whether apparent or not... something has always been there. Always! And I've learned to cope with it somewhat. Unfortunately though, by nature... I'm a worrier. It may not look like it. But I worry about a lot. Don't you dare tell me about your problems, I'd even worry about them for you. Easily. Anyhow, with all the various things to worry about I have to try to constantly remind myself that every major obstacle I've come up on, things have worked out for the best for me in the end.

While faced with adversity and you have friends who you consider to be better off than yourself tell you, "oh don't worry, it will work out" I want nothing more than to ram my middle finger right through their left (or right) eye! But instead I remain composed and say something non-committal like "I suppose" ... but usually they have been right. So right now while I'm in the midst of my own mini crisis I am remembering that old adage... Every cloud has a silver lining.... even the dark ones.

WTF?!?

2010-05-17T11:46:00.004-04:00

I felt compelled to come out of hiatus to comment on the current state of affairs. Yes I have drama going on... who doesn't? And no I have absolutely no idea how this will end up, but I'm putting trust in the universe that all will be right again where that is concerned. I find that when I have a lot going on I get very quiet on here.

However, as some of you may or may not know... I'm a tv junkie. While I've decreased the shows that I MUST watch every week (my dvr couldn't handle the pressure), I am still quite loyal to a few. Imagine my shock when I found out that they will NOT be bringing back Law and Order for another season. Like seriously! WTF?!?!?!

Instead the powers that be have decided to invest in a new spin-off Law and Order: Los Angeles. Of course I will watch, it's still from the Law and Order franchise, but how can I be excited? The sounds of the city were an added featured to the show. What will we do with all this quiet in the background of Los Angeles? Not to mention the anticipated stereo-types of blonde and boobs that is bound to become a mainstay. I somehow don't also anticipate the ever dreamy Detective Lupo to suddenly seek a transfer to California anytime soon. Then also there will be no more Lt. Anita Van Buren after May 24. Will she die? or decide that she needs to stay home and nurse her cancer that has been a big part of this past season.

I cannot imagine not having a new episode of Law and Order running on tv and so I gather I will have to make due with the re-runs. They can't take that away from us just yet, can they?

Healthy!

2010-03-01T20:04:00.002-05:00

The last thing I want to be is preachy and cliche! Really!
You know when you hear all the varying expressions having to do with not taking life for-granted after a brush with health scares. This time it didn't hit close to home...instead it made a direct connect, right smack in the middle of home. Later I also discovered that it hit two of my close friends as well all at the same time.

My hubby had been complaining of a tight calf, which he fanned off as just having spent a long time cooped up driving. He applied heat packs and an assortment of liniments and after a week of no relief was talking into going to see a doctor. During the visit he was told very directly, do not pass go, do not collect $200 GO STRAIGHT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM at the nearest hospital.

We were then given the news that he had a blood clot in his leg and (I'm guessing with all the massaging) bits broke apart and traveled to his lungs. Yes both lungs! He was diagnosed with Deep Vein Thrombosis. Two doctors came on separate visits and told him that with what they saw that he is lucky to be alive and should buy a lotto ticket.

He spent about a week in the hospital. Kicking and screaming! Sometimes literally. My support system was also holed up in various hospitals with their own health scares to deal with, so aside from text messages and phone calls, I was on my own.

So yes, I've learned/ am learning not to take life for-granted. Make dates and keep them with friends. Stop putting things off! Especially doctor appointments.

Death?!

2010-01-17T19:43:00.003-05:00

I have not yet come to terms with the fact that I am not immortal. My mother is not immortal. My husband is not immortal. Yet death is such a huge part of life.

I know that change is the only constant. It is bound to happen. However, to begin to conceive a world with those two people not in it is very crippling to me. I don't allow myself to fully go there in thought. I'm guessing that I believe that my thoughts give it power. But it will happen someday, won't it. God forbid someday soon.

This huge disaster in Haiti has made me realize (as if I didn't already know) how fragile life is... I spoke to a girl I know and she has lost 9 family members in the Earthquake. Not just 1... 9! How tragic is that?

Yet in celebrating the time I have here... I am home, as usual. Sitting in my comfi chair, as usual. In front of my computer, as usual. I see big changes in 2010!

Haiti 7.0

2010-01-14T21:50:00.001-05:00

This Haiti thing DREAD sah! Can u imagine sitting in your house doing whatever and 30 seconds later yuh house drop pon top ah yuh? Even worse, you stay like that for days because people can't get to you. Then the hospital drop dung... and the prison mash up so dem escape.. of course.

I was watching CNN the other night and the guy was saying Haiti is the way it is because there is no policy enforced there and that people are going to be pumping millions into the country for aid and then a year or two later, it's going to be back where they started out because of the crime. On one hand, I agree with him... but also what do they expect people to do? Not help?!?!? I was so mad that at a time like this someone was looking at the downside to helping Haiti. People are in the streets dying, sleeping, sitting next to the dead bodies of their loved ones. These loved ones, who at this time does not even seem like they will be able to get a decent/proper burial. Although who can think of burial when even basic human survival is even a stretch for some.

These events really seem to put things into perspective, but even then... for how long?

Facebook game.

2010-01-08T12:09:00.003-05:00

In the past 3 days I've received quite a few variations to the following note:

"Some fun is going on.... just write the color of your bra in your status. Just the color, nothing else. And send this on to ONLY girls no men .... It will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a color in their status... Haha!"

The topic is: "Don't tell men!"

I chose not to participate. No I'm not anti spreading breast cancer awareness. Far from it. In fact just this week I was hit by the fact that a friend of mine was recently diagnosed, as well as various relatives and pretend "aunts" over the years. A girlfriend of mine sent out a note this morning saying that she didn't understand why we were not to include men, as men were also very affected by breast cancer.

I didn't make a big deal of it but really, I just didn't see how the color bra I was (or wasn't) wearing would greatly impact awareness. It would only prove that I got the email. Oh and that I was possibly wearing a bra.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-06T20:18:00.005-05:00

I know, I know... it's already January 6th 2010.
I was thinking to do a brand new lay out for this blog for 2010, but I haven't gotten around to it as yet. So instead of drawing it out any longer, lets make due with what we have until we can do better.

I could start by listing my goals for this year but I have yet to seriously assess them as well. I only know that I will not be available for the first few days in March because by the hook or the crook I am going to be in Las Vegas!! I guess that's a goal, huh! So there you go, one goal already set for 2010. YAY me!

I've also been tinkering about and I feel I am going to give in this month and get a damned blackberry already. But that's not a goal, is it? Who the hell aims to get a phone? Not me! I'm just saying... I'm gonna get one.

One of the basic aims though is to live a simpler and more fulfilling life. Get rid of the junk and clutter. If it's not serving a purpose. Get rid of it! I know for sure that it's wayyy easier said than done. If that were the case then I would actually be able to sit in the chair beside my bed rather than keep adding to the pile of stuff that has taken up residence there. So yes, I guess that would be a goal as well. To sit in the chair beside my bed. Sucks for a goal but hey.. I'm getting there.

I've also decided to do Project 365. So that should be fun. So far I've already taken the pictures, but I'm not sure what layout to use yet. So my goal with that is to stick it out in addition to sticking out going to the gym... but hey isn't that always a constant goal. I'd rather not even discuss it right now. So.. nope I won't.

Anyhow... that's as far as I've gotten with my goals. Will keep you updated! Once again... Happy New Year!

Promoter angst!

2009-12-03T00:04:00.002-05:00

Once again, I'm having promoter angst! BAHHH!

I've been thinking and talking about doing an event like this since March, but did nothing about it. A few months ago it came up again in conversation and we're off and running with it. Everyday I was going from no-one will be interested, no-one will come... to why wouldn't everyone come?? So yes, I'm having bi-polar days!

Need to finish working on a few things between tonight and tomorrow so I can start on the physical aspect of the event. Wish me luck and hope everything works out well. Really well!

The Principle of a Favor

2009-11-23T14:50:00.002-05:00

When you ask someone to do you a favor, please remember that even if the person says yes... it is still not a priority for them. It is still your priority. Your priority to follow up and make sure that all is well and things are still on, that the person remembers to grant the favor etc etc. In general when you agree to grant a favor while yes it's important, it is not the priority of the person granting the favor. That is all.

Yep!

2009-11-03T17:46:00.001-05:00

I thought of you again today... and yep... YOU ARE STILL AN ASSHOLE!

RIP my past.

2009-10-23T04:49:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had an idea of someone or something in your head that happened in your past, but when it comes down to it the idea in your head is much, much better than the actual person or thing. Like when you have a craving for a piece of chocolate cake that you haven't had in a long time. Yet when you finally get it, it is sooo disappointing.

See, I had this idea in my head about the guy that got away. In my head, he was smart, witty and always fun to be around. In my head, I missed talking to him a lot. I hadn't been in touch with him for years and years. Today I spoke to him for a little.

WHAT AN ASSHOLE?!?!?!?

Birthday 2009

2009-10-02T12:13:00.003-04:00

This was the best birthday I have had in a while. One major thing that was different is that I made plans and did something and didn't sit back waiting for people to do something for me. Twas great!

For a few years now, every September I would call my mother and say... "Let's go to New York!" My childhood years was filled with me going to New York with my Mom and hating it! I hated all the walking, the shopping, the taking off and trying on of clothes and shoes (!), the public transportation... the dirty streets. Not to mention the cold weather when we would go during the winter. Anyhow... I had put somewhat of a mind-block on New York since then. Later on I developed a love of shopping... Bargain shopping especially and where is a better place to bargain shop other than New York???
So plans were made and off we went.

I shopped everyday for 4 days and could hardly haul my loot back home. I had to ask my Mom to carry my shoes in her luggage. Next time I will not be carrying my laptop though. Barely had time to use it and ended up dreading hauling it through the airports.

When we came back to FL. I made plans to go to a crabhouse for dinner and surprisingly some friends came along as well. Aside from a glitch or two... it went well.

Then Saturday following that I had planned a Birthday Passion Party at my friend's house. That also went very well.

So can't complain... all in all... was a great birthday week!

Getting in gear!

2009-08-28T16:30:00.004-04:00

Have you ever been in a situation where finally something clicks? Whether it is to find that final piece on a jigsaw puzzle. An earring you had been looking for. The dvd player to finally work. You know that feeling you get. The exhilaration. The triumph.

Mine clicked at 4:30a one morning this week.

I have been involved with one of the leading in-home party businesses that sells sensual aids to adults. In short, yes I sell vibrators, dildos among other things. I had been dabbling in the business waiting for manna to fall from the sky. Yes I knew logically what happens and whats supposed to happen... but it didn't click. I started off gassed up and ready to go... but I didn't fully understand the business, or what I could and should be doing to promote my business. Don't get me wrong. I did well in the beginning. Then I had a disappointing streak and so I fell off my game. I think I was also looking to others for motivation. Anyhow the long and short of it is that it had to click with me first and it did.

I started off by joining all the groups I could find to get more info. Sifted through what seemed like tons of info and then I found one that made everything seem so simple and purposeful. So I'm on my way to start growing and ENJOYING my business.

Commenter or Reader?

2009-08-19T03:32:00.002-04:00

Do you read blogs and comment? or are you more like me? I read and remain silent.

Sure I have my opinions. Yes, I'm cheering you on or stomping my foot in objection. But I'm very quiet about it all. Yet, in some strange way it doesn't make sense. Putting it all out there is inviting people in. To comment. To agree. To disagree. To laugh. To cry. To nod. And the less favorable option of thinking that you are a total moron.

Logically I know this. However, I can't help but feel that I'm somewhat of a Peeping Tom .. err... Nix, to just read and go away. On the other hand I always look at it like there's a clique of people that meet up and do things IRL. I'm not a part of any such clique and so I'm the outsider, how dare I say anything? But you've put it out there. I have put it out there. Into the world of the unknown. Unknown world where people have opinions on things, or not.

I actually appreciate when people stop by and comment (hint-hint). I wonder why I feel like other bloggers would feel any different. I'm going to haul on my big girl drawers and go out there and participate dammit! Look out bloggers!

Cheating.

2009-08-03T14:19:00.002-04:00

No, not the type that you're thinking about. I've been cheating myself.

Let me bring you up to speed on my thought process.

In January or February I went to Costco with my mom and they had digital scales on sale. I bought one. I had been sitting in the box since then. Last night I was sitting thinking about what to eat for dinner and I thought, "This is ridiculous, you don't even know how much you weigh." Sooo I opened the box. Lets just say I just left the gym.

Anyhow, while I was at the gym I decided to listen to an audiobook I have. It's easy to listen to music in the house because you don't have to pay that much attention... in the gym or in the car... audiobook time. So anyway, they were talking about rich people stressing about their second home. Then it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve never dreamt of having a second home. Hell, I barely even dare to dream of a first home much less a second.

Then my realization spiraled. I thought that I had a hard time with goal setting exercises, because I stopped dreaming. I stopped thinking that I could achieve something beyond a certain capacity. I started living my life in reaction mode. When did this happen? Who am I?

The person I was was someone who had high hopes and dreams. Now literally I am confined to thinking one week at a time. If I can make it to the end of this week I’ll be okay. Then what happens next week? Something will work out. Then Sunday comes and it’s me again worrying about making it through to the end of the week. Before you know it the time passes and all that stuff that you’ve been worrying about, haven’t come through but since you’ve been so wrapped up in worrying you forgot all about living. Appreciating the here and now. Yet hoping and planning for bigger and better in the future.

In one way it sucks because I’m a very practical person. When I see luxury car… instead of performance and comfort I see unnecessary expense. So in that sense my goal might be different from someone else’s goal.

As it so happens I’m going to an event tomorrow evening where I’m suppose to dress as I see myself in 5 years. So I’ve had to put some thought into it. The first thing I plan to start doing is dreaming more, just as I did when I was a little girl and stop cheating myself out of wishing better for myself.

Being a Celebrity...

2009-08-02T00:35:00.002-04:00

... must be very difficult.

I was thinking about it seriously the other day. I was thinking that it must be nice to shop in Paris and vacation in St. Barts at the drop of a hat. Nice to buy a Miami Beach home while still keeping a Park Avenue penthouse. Convenient to have personal assistants and a personal chef. Designers shipping clothes to you hot off the press and jewelers vying to drip you in diamonds.

That's the good part. That's the part we all think about when we think about being rich and famous. That's the part we fantasize about while getting dressed to go to work. That's the side that you hear Robin Leach narrate.

Then there is the other side.

The real hard work side. The side that celebrities have to sometimes get up at 6 and film all day for months at a time. On the other side of the world. Away from the comforts of home, family and friends. Forget about going to the supermarket to get sugar on your own. There is paparazzi to contend with and then the aftermath if your hair and clothes were not styled just right. OMG! The horror!

We, the everyday people will even go as far as gaining 10 pounds and not even realize. Well I will. The celebrity does not have that luxury. Gain 5 pounds there is talk of a baby bump, lose 5 then there is talk of sickness. Even after childbirth. That's when the countdown is really on. How long before she gets back her pre-baby bod?

Quiet dinner out? What's that? People going through the garbage to see what brand soda I drink? Ludicrous right? Well, not for the celeb. That's just another garbage day.

The betrayal from friends that the average person deals with is magnified in national newspapers and websites. The uncertainty of not knowing who is there for you because of your status or because of you. The insecurity of not knowing whether your craft is going to be accepted well, especially if you've taken a chance outside of the norm. Then how that will play out in future projects.

Sure the glam side is fabulous, but at what price?

Sexual Predators

2009-07-16T10:19:00.004-04:00

I won't go into the exact details of what lead me to do an online search of sexual offenders in my area, but I was shocked.

It's not like I'm naive to what sexual offenders look like. I've watched To Catch a Predator just as much as everyone else. I know they look just like the guy next door in many cases, because many times THEY ARE the guy next door. Rabbis, priests, doctors, lawyers, beggars... there is no telling who is a offender these days. In fact many times it seemed as though I was looking through any online dating service profile pictures. Every now and then though there is that person who just screamed "WEIRDO!!!!!". It was while looking at these pictures, I wished I had a photographic memory... because I'm out a lot at night.

What did surprise me though was the women that were listed. Most were offenders for having sex with minors. I don't get it though but different strokes for different folks I guess... LITERALLY!

Anyhow if you live in Florida here's the link http://offender.fdle.state.fl.us/offender/Search.jsp If you don't, I suggest you Google sexual offenders in your area and have a look.

Michael

2009-07-08T01:59:00.007-04:00

I know I couldn't let this time pass without saying anything at all about Michael Jackson. He was my fiance. He didn't know it though... and I was maybe 6 or so when I decided that he was...perhaps if there was e-mail or if I could figure out someway to get the news to him from Jamaica to wherever in the world he lived at that time he would know.

Anyhow, it didn't work out and we broke up... but I kept him in the back there somewhere. You know that place where you keep your old loves. He was there.

I saw news articles and accusations about him later on in life, I didn't know if it was true or not, but I had moved on. I was now in a short-lived relationship with Bobby... Bobby Brown that is.

Almost two weeks ago I was sitting right here in front of my make-shift desk in my room in front of the computer and watching tv... trying to figure out if it was true or not what TMZ was saying... how could TMZ say that Michael died? I refused to acknowledge it... that is until a more reputable CNN could confirm it. An hour or so later, while watching and partaking in facebook bicker about whether it was true or not, CNN confirmed the worst.

Sure I was saddened, I was nowhere near distraught though. Distraught wasn't even in my time zone. I gathered all the MJ music I could find. I watched the Interview again, yes the one with Martin Bashir. I got sadder, because I started to see his life for what it was... sad and lonely. Then today was the Memorial Service.

I made it through Smokey Robinson reading the notes from Diana Ross and Nelson Mandela. Mariah didn't sway me one bit. But Brooke got me. Brooke's career wasn't launched off anything that Michael Jackson did... she didn't sing, she didn't dance and she was acting before he started. She simply spoke about her friend Michael and how she was able to joke with him. Tears ran down my face.

Then his brother Marlon started speaking about his brother...they flowed harder...Paris spoke of her Daddy... and the tears continued.

I kept saying all along that the Michael we knew and loved died a long time ago. However, for these people... he was their friend, father, son and brother. It touched home. He was never able to live a normal life with them. Even Magic Johnson was surprised that Michael Jackson ate KFC. He certainly couldn't just drive up to one and order food from one. Can you imagine living your life with EVERYONE watching you, and pointing, and fainting, and screaming, and crying... EVERYTIME YOU WENT OUTSIDE! Can you imagine having a father profit from you, but constantly putting you down, beating you and calling you names? As soon as he could he changed his nose, I gather because his father's nick name for him was "Big Nose". But still he was creative and continued to create music for the whole world. He inspired a whole generation of artists and musicians. As Berry Gordy said.."he was the greatest entertainer that ever lived!"

Also featured at his Memorial Service was this talented young lady Judith Hill. She was the half Asian singer who lead "We Are the World" and "Heal the World". Check her out here.

Anonymous Blogging

2009-07-07T02:06:00.002-04:00

Recently I was talking to my aunt and she said she was thinking of starting an anonymous blog. I encouraged her to go ahead and do it. She has a personal blog, but she doesn't update it as much. I understand her need or want for anonymity.

I have that very feeling today especially. Where you have stuff to say... and it's bursting at the seams wanting to come out of you... however because I know it's offensive to some, I can't say it here. That's the downfall of having a blog and having people you know read it. The censorship issue. I hate it.

However, sometimes I have things to say and I want to share my thoughts on it with the world... friends and strangers alike. The blog is good for that. Would I want to have to maintain two separate blogs? It's not like I have a shopping blog and a personal blog... they both would still be quite personal... only one less censored than the other. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. But would I commit to it? Not so sure... but today, right now... it sure is tempting.

Kitchen stuff

2009-06-25T03:54:00.003-04:00

The other day I went to a strip plaza. There were lots of my fave stores in said plaza... I went intending to go to Old Navy to grab some $2 tank tops... but I missed it. I wandered in to Marshalls and started looking at dresses (me??) and then wandered right out. I saw a HomeGoods.. and was about to go in and had to restrain myself. HomeGoods is like Marshalls but for all housewares and stuff like that.

I been thinking about buying pots lately. I love cookware. I came across this site: http://www.stainless-steel-cookware-set.com.

Week in Review

2009-06-15T04:36:00.005-04:00

I had a mixed weekend. I figured I was going to be super busy because I had a lot of things going on at once. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been. I had one cancellation so thankfully it freed me up somewhat.

My mom was in town and I know it seems like she's always here but she hasn't been here to see me since March. I looked forward to seeing her. I knew she wasn't staying the full weekend because the flights back home were all full, so she left earlier than she would normally have... short but sweet trip.

The night she left though, all hell seemed to have broken loose. Last weekend I emailed a Girlfriend (yes our cyber group is called Girlfriends) of mine to wish her happy birthday and to catch up with her and she didn't respond (very unlike her). Apparently people in the group had been trying to reach her as she hadn't been in contact with anyone. Well thankfully someone took the initiative and called her cell and when they didn't get her they called her home phone...her parents answered and explained that she died a few weeks ago. I was in shock. Serious shock. No-one knew that she was that sick... but apparently she was.. and she died. Shock I tell you.
RIP- Miriam Lee Hilton.

I also got to hook up with my IRL girlfriends and we went to an annual fashion show that we usually attend and had dinner afterwards. The show was great and had a lot less filler than previous years. Then of course the after dinner conversation was good. I tell you, always a good time meeting up with old friends and I think it's important as well.

Finally picked up some books that the library was holding for me... so between that and the regular stuff I think I'm going to be a bit busy.

Also, I don't know why this bothers me as much as it did... I hate when people are rude to the help. Hate it! I think having lived in America and realizing that we're pretty much all or mostly on a level playing field and people can go from top to bottom and bottom to top very quickly... that it's in your best interest to live good with people. I saw an entry on twitter no less that was of the "does she know who I am" type. Annoyed.the.shit.out.of.me!!!

Products.

2009-06-06T20:20:00.004-04:00

You know when you watch tv late at night or on the weekend and you see those products that make you think WTF?!?! I was actually browsing a blog today and came across this product.... SERIOUSLY... WTF?!?!?!?!?!?

They're serious too... www.cuchini.com

Religion and Human Nature.

2009-05-29T22:27:00.003-04:00

I am not one to discuss religion or politics. I have always maintained that a discussion of both topics rarely does anything to sway anyone's view. Mostly it becomes a shouting match with parties leaving disgruntled rather than enlightened.
However, that being said, I think I should chime in on Father Alberto Cutie.

I am not Roman Catholic and I do not claim to understand a bit of their views and traditions. I don't get their views on contraception. Sex should be used for procreation and not pleasure, is that what they are saying? In these times I think that they are turning a blind eye to the fact that there are Catholics having pre-marital sex but without contraceptives, which unfortunately leads to many other sins. I could say a funny about thats why sex within the Catholic church takes place on a homosexual level... but that's not funny, or kind. Especially to the homosexual population. The little that I know about Father Alberto Cutie.. is that he was a Catholic priest who decided to have a girlfriend. He thinks that being a Catholic priest and taking a vow of celibacy is unnatural. So he has excommunicated himself from the Catholic church... gone on to an Episcopalian one and has intentions of marrying his divorcee girlfriend. Good for him.

Yet, in the news everyday he is being hounded by the paparazzi with them plastering pictures of him and his girlfriend frolicking on the beach. Isn't that what normal couples do? There has been worse things happening within the Catholic church and so the mere fact that Father Cutie is in fact caught up with a woman (who is of age and who he plans to marry) should be celebrated.

It's not the first time something like this has happened? Didn't anyone watch The Thorn Birds??

Summers in Florida

2009-05-28T02:49:00.003-04:00

As all my regular shows are coming to a close, I've begun to wonder about my Summer fare of television. I expect Big Brother will be coming up soon. That's always interesting, not necessarily sensible, but interesting. There is another one called Mental, its on the DVR but I haven't gotten that far yet to watch the pilot.

Summer in Florida is always funny. You'd think that because it is Florida that it would be filled with beach going and sun. However summer is always a time of worry for us people in Florida as it is typically our rainy season as well as *shudder* hurricane season. Past seasons have proved that hurricane season can be very unpredictable. The year that they predicted that it would be our most active by far, we rarely saw an activity and yet the years that there wasn't much being said about it... we saw the most damage. So who knows what this year will bring.

My hope is that it will be a safe one. There is current threat of war from North Korea, unemployment on the rise, plus the impending hurricane season. It all leads me to believe that this summer will be one to watch. That I will be doing... watching.

Food!

2009-05-21T16:27:00.005-04:00

Isn't food great? Like even better than sliced bread...because hello... sliced bread is food! Unfortunately I have the belly to prove my love of food. Anyhow this won't be one of those posts. Today I'm celebrating food.

This week my friend mentioned that she had gone to a restaurant for dinner and I had never heard of it. I am always looking for a new spot, so I went on Yelp to look it up. It was Buena Vista Bistro. Good reviews too. While I was reading the reviews I thought about it and decided that since that friend loves food as well and she's particularly eloquent, then maybe she would do a great job on Yelp. I proposed the idea and she did one better... she said that she had been thinking of doing a food blog... so she did!!! Please, please check her out. She's a very good friend of mine and I think she's just fab... but chances are if she wasn't my friend I'd still think she was fab. Check it... DAT EAT GOOD errrr... nuh mind the name... she's really eloquent err usually...but her upbringing was a little ahmm rural (aka: she come from country). LOL!!

Another find today, on twitter no less, was Food Porn Daily Just as it promises by the name... some of the food shown there should be classified as X-rated. Sinful at it's best! Check it out!

Useless fact about me #502: Descriptions

2009-05-19T03:06:00.003-04:00

I suck at them. Seriously!

My short term memory is shot to begin with, so if someone comes in here and leaves... I can't remember what the hell it is that they were wearing. Then if you ask me to describe someone... forget it. It's just like that police sketch of a serial rapist on the news... could be just about anyone!

I can tell you the basics. Tall or short, fat or thin, white or black. But in the middle, it gets hazy. I can't tell you what is considered light skinned or dark skinned unless it's the extreme. And I definitely can't describe a nose unless its bulbous or thin. Thats it.

It's not that I don't know adjectives. I do. I just can't string them along properly to give an accurate description of someone. I can describe objects though.

Fragrances and Memories

2009-05-13T02:36:00.003-04:00

Smells, just like certain songs, can always transport me to somewhere in my past. They trigger memories and feelings. When I smell a certain scent.. I can't even explain what it is, I'm reminded of a time when I sat at home for 13 hours waiting on this guy to come see me. Needless to say, he never came... not that day, or the next day. He eventually did come by, but by then I was well on my way to being over him. Even now, I'm still on my way... I haven't truly gotten there as yet, but I digress.

In allowing myself to wallow in the memories with the smells and songs... I wonder.. is this it for me? I won't say I am totally unhappy, but I am unsatisfied. TOTALLY. With where am I now and what my expectations are for myself and for my family. I can't believe that I am still having certain fights with myself and with my husband. Will this ever end? It feels like torture. So much time has passed and yet we're still here in the very same position. The only consolation is that sadly with the economy the way it is, we are not alone. Yet, there is no comfort in that.

Oprah/KFC Free Giveaway!

2009-05-08T19:33:00.002-04:00

What the hell was KFC thinking? We're in a recession, people are broke and hungry.... then they went on OPRAH, not Jerry or Tyra, to announce that there were coupons for a free meal. Have they seen the Oprah show before? Did they hear that when she puts a book on her Book Club list usually it becomes a bestseller? And that's when people have to buy the damn book. They said they didn't expect such a turnout... as far as I'm concerned while it was a good gesture, someone at KFC needs to be fired for coming up with an idea and not doing enough research before implementing said idea.

Granted they still are going to honor the coupons, but in stages... they should have done this in the first place. Duh!

The Power of Contact!

2009-04-27T00:12:00.002-04:00

Having the internet is great. Facebook is also great at linking up with old friends. Twitter can be fun for catching up with friends, celebs and the news. All that is fun and useful. However, there is nothing like human contact with friends.

This weekend after a long and exhausting week, we all planned to get together at a friend's jewelry show. That was fun. Trying on jewelry and chatting. Catching up. Part two was supposed to be dinner. One of the girls brought her daughter to the jewelry party and decided that it wasn't in her child's best interest to be around us all for dinner... because our conversations get a bit raunchy at times. We can be good. Honest. I mean it.

Anyhow three of us ended up at dinner. The conversation was good. When I got home I felt connected and somehow recharged, if only for a few minutes. So while cyber-connecting is good... people still need to keep in touch IRL.

Wow! Minority Report here we come!

2009-04-25T11:50:00.002-04:00

Children and Discipline.

2009-04-16T13:19:00.004-04:00

More specifically other friend's children and discipline... or lack thereof.

This is such a touchy subject for me, because of course I do not have children and so by some people's standards I am not qualified to comment or have an opinion until I walk in their shoes. That's all fine and great, I understand. However, I do have an opinion on the matter.

I understand that some children are rude. Plain and simple. There is no amount of punishment, discipline, bribery or candy that will change that. They will do what they want to do, when they want and laugh at the consequences (if there are any). Thank God I'm not around such children. I have seen them though. So I know that they exist.

These children in particular are not outright rude per se. I think that they are bored and so they just create activity to entertain themselves. The problem I think is that they do not listen to their mother. Their father however will give one warning in the morning and it will carry out all day into the evening. Mother, not so much as five minutes and they are acting up again. I know they are terrified of their father, but not in a sense that they don't interact with him, or have fun with him. They love their father and show him tremendous respect. They just follow his instruction to the letter because "Daddy means business". They've said so.

When I'm around them, I try to reason with them to see why they are not listening. Remember they are not mine, so I don't have to be patient with them 24 hours a day... so the two or so hours that I'm with them... I can be patient.

This week I was able to witness firsthand where part of the problem lies. They were acting up again. After hearing their mother scream for the umpteenth time... the father intervened and asked them to come in the room where we all were and had one sit at one end and the other one sit at the other end and be quiet. They came quickly and sat down. Quiet. After some minutes they started to fidget... the father spoke again... fidgetting stopped. Then something funny happened in the room. One of the children was struggling to hold it together, their mother pointed it out that he was trying not to laugh and started laughing at him. HUH? Shortly after, the father left the room for a few minutes and it was as though someone freed them from punishment, even though their mother was still there. So I asked them if the punishment was over, they acted unsure... but their mother didn't say anything to enforce the punishment so they all got up and started playing again. Luckily I had to be somewhere so I left.

I was truly annoyed. I realized that the children do not take their mother seriously because the punishment is not consistent between both parents. They are not both on the same page when it comes to disciplining the children. The father is more direct. They know what they are doing is wrong so he says stop and that is it. With the mother there is more reasoning for it to be fair for everyone... which ends up in more debate, more bickering... until she gives in.

I strongly believe that children need discipline. They also need for you to follow through on promises... good ones and bad ones. If the punishment is just, then there should be no debate.

My question now is... as the friend of the parents... do I continue to bite up my jaw corner and continue to witness the disrespect? Is there ever a right time to point out this mistake.... even though she sometimes ask why her children don't listen to her. I usually shrug it off. Does she really want to know? Is it my place to tell her?

Held Hostage by my bank!

2009-04-15T21:46:00.003-04:00

I'm not too big on banking. Especially with a joint account. So usually I have money in the bank to pay certain bills... and thats it.

This week I had a big check out and so I was monitoring the account to make sure that despite all the little incidental spendings that there was enough in the bank for the check to clear. Imagine my surprise when my account dipped drastically in the negative hundreds. I made a quick call at 5a. to my husband to verify that it was not him that had temporarily lost his mind. It wasn't. This time. My next call was to the bank, who reminded me gently that the normal business hours begin at 7a.

I called again... and was told that even though they did see the transactions pending, there was nothing that they could do about the transactions until they actually posted. So three days later... they are still pending and so I'm forced to look at my balance in the red... until they actually post of course. Meanwhile, I know we didn't charge any of those transactions and according to the bank they cannot do anything about it yet.... so here I am... looking to see if and when they will post so I can call the fraud department.

Sucks doesn't it!

Easter Weekend.

2009-04-13T10:38:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago after trying to figure out a gig that we could do to make some money. I came up with the idea to do a Fish Fry. Not just any fish fry...a fish fry... on Good Friday. People are always eating fish on Good Friday so rather than having them have to cook it themselves or source it at some random restaurant.. we would do it ourselves. Everything seemed to fall into place rather quickly, someone found the fish at a good price and the size was suitable. So Good Friday Fish Fry 2009 was in full effect.

The turnout was good and we managed to sell off all but 2 fish, so we got to get a small taste of our labor. People have asked if we plan to do this monthly or weekly or whatever. I don't think we should. Yes, we could do another fish fry in a few months, but not on a regular basis.

On Sunday, we decided to have an Easter dinner. My friend made fried chicken and macaroni and cheese. I made ham and rice and peas...then we both made brownies for dessert. We sat and ate and then afterwards we played Boy, Girl, Animal...with the children. At first the children didn't get it, but after a while they got into it and started doing really well.

I should have worked at a party on Saturday night, but right before I was about to take a nap I realized that they postponed it until next weekend... which puts me in battyhole with these other guys I was supposed to help out with another party. But I'll figure it out. :(

All in all.. a good weekend.

Death and Taxes.

2009-04-02T00:37:00.002-04:00

The saying is that there is nothing sure in life except death and taxes. Taxes, I'm not so sure about, but death... yes.

Freakishly, on Sunday I heard that my aunt has leukemia. Then came a blow today... my mother says that it's possible that she only has days to live. This time, it's my real real auntie... as I used to call her when I was younger, to differentiate between the throngs of friends my mother had that I had to call Auntie. My father's older sister, my real real aunt is sick.

My husband met her the day before our wedding, and he took to her almost immediately. A few months ago he even called her on his own, just to keep in touch. Now... she's not well. In times like this I second guess my choices, now I know I can't be there with my family. That makes it better but harder to deal with the realities at hand.

I had a difficult time accepting that she did not tell anyone that she was sick. She's known for years, apparently. But she didn't want people feeling sorry for her. I had a hard time with that, my friend (the nurse) helped to sort out the possibilities on why she came to that conclusion. I don't understand it, however I am not going through what she is going through so I'm not sure it's my job to understand it. I'm sorry that I'm not close to her daughter, my cousin, anymore. So while I am not certain about death... one thing I know for sure is that Death is Taxing!

Bookstores!

2009-03-17T00:27:00.002-04:00

I love going to the bookstore. I would grab all the magazines I was curious about but never thought I'd buy and grab a corner to flip through them...until I started buying them and bringing them home. Now, I do it the cheaper way... I subscribe to all the magazines I never thought I'd buy. Anyhow, I always have a certain amount of guilt associated with the bookstore of late. I borrow my books from the library... and have been for the past few years... yes... even prior to the recession. It turns out that I had limited space and realized that I bought books but read them only once and dusted them once in a while. So it turns out, I have lots of stuff to dust. That didn't seem to make sense to me...so I stopped buying and started borrowing. Then my magazine subscription list increased and so when I felt the urge to go to the bookstore I always felt as though I could be home reading a magazine or doing something else with something I already owned or borrowed from the library. I stopped going to the bookstore.

Last week, I decided to take my office hours back to the bookstore. There were books there, people and I didn't have to shush. I went to Barnes and Noble. It just wasn't the same... I was thoroughly disappointed. It seems as though since more people are jobless, they started hanging out at the bookstore and so the bookstore decided to make it less comfortable and removed tables and chairs, covered outlets and just stopped being as accommodating. So this week we decided to check out Borders for office hours. They didn't scale back as much... but the vibe is very different... AND the bookstore seems more sparse. It used to be chock full of books...plus new items coming in and clearance items going out. Not so vibrant these days, perhaps people have given up reading for other hobbies... or just given up the bookstores for the library.

My next search is for a coffee shop. I don't even drink coffee but I'm looking for my own Central Perk.

Peas and Carrots.

2009-03-12T00:23:00.002-04:00

I'm not a huge fan of peas, especially the kind that go with carrots. But, nothing else describes the feeling aside from that quote from Forrest Gump "me and Jenny was like peas and carrots again". Only I'm not Forrest and she's not Jenny.

I had my "talk" with my friend and I must say that it went well. We slipped right back into the ease of friendship as if nothing happened. Only something did. I explained to her that as easily or difficult as it was for me to reach out to her I wished that she would have done the same. Somehow it would give me more validity... I think. However, I guess I should just go with the flow and give up on the negative.

This friendship has allowed me to see that sometimes, things just happen for a reason. All in it's own time. We're both at a place where we need motivation and a constant cheerleader. I'm cheering her on... and so is she. So for now, it's working out. I'm going to go with it, learn from it and grow.

My love affair..

2009-02-24T09:20:00.003-05:00

...with tall dark men started way before Tyson Beckford or Tyrese. Surely it's no coincidence that my husband is 6'5" tall. Looking back on some old family photos, it came clear to me. You know usually a girl's first love is her Daddy. My Daddy died when I had just turned 4. I remember him, but not everything. I remember being in New York and being sick and my Daddy rubbed me up with tiger balm. After he died, I couldn't stand the smell of it. Anyhow, my first love affair was with Poppy. He was my great-grand-father.

We were all living at my grandmother's house. My great-grand parents, my grandmother and me. I was extremely close to Poppy. Everyday he would sit outside in the sun and read the newspapers. He attributed his lack of needing spectacles to not reading anything by lamplight. I would brush his hair. Rub his aches and pains away with Limocol. I was just in awe of Poppy. When he died, my heart broke. In true Jamaican fashion, since then there have been children coming out of the wood works claiming that he fathered them. Who knows? My extended family, as big as it is, embraces them all. Here he is... on his wedding anniversary in 1967 with Mammy (of course), I think this was their 50th or 60th wedding anniversary together.

The Return!

2009-02-18T01:10:00.004-05:00

My friend is back.

Due to my latest venture my friend, who I was very close to at one point, is now back in my life.

I wonder how I feel about it sometimes. I'm happy, because we click very easily, however, I am wary because in the back of my head I think that she didn't fight to save the friendship. She never once reached out to me during the entire time we did not speak. I feel that I tried to keep the communication lines open to a point... and she never shunned me when I did, but she didn't encouraged it either.

It turns out that this time seems to be a good time for us both to be in each others life. So that's great. But, I also feel the need to explain some of the choices I made... and I haven't had the proper opportunity to do so yet. I want to, though another friend has warned me to be careful of my intention in doing so. I am considering it.